Hearts Turned Towards Home: Jenn’s Story

The following is a guest post by Jenn from Beautiful Calling and is the second installment of Hearts Turned Towards Home. If you are interested in sharing your story of how God turned your heart toward home, please click here.

In 2005, I married a wonderful man and we moved into our new home. Scott had lived on his own for some time before we married and was quite competent in the running of a home. After we married, he still did all the cooking, his own ironing (and mine), we shared housework and I had no desire for that to change. We talked about having children in a year or so. Though Scott wanted me to stay at home when we had little ones, I wasn’t sure that was something I wanted to do. I wondered what I would do all day and how that could be fulfilling? (Yep, I was completely disillusioned!) I suppose I was sort of looking to be someone. It was all about me. I knew the Lord, but His plans and desires for me weren’t a top priority to me at the time.

I started off as a Quality Assurance Co-coordinator within a great company. They were paying for me to take accounting courses at a local college. I had my own agenda and planned to complete additional (paid) schooling and move into the accounting department within the company. I thought that my worth was tied to my work; graduating from college and having a great well-paying career with all the benefits.

I completed a couple courses, receiving high marks then I found out I was pregnant. We were excited and told virtually everyone. And then we lost the baby. (You can read more about that on my blog during June/July). God used this tragedy to turn my heart back towards Him. As I began to focus on Him and learn more about His designs, my heart slowly turned towards home.

It was about that time that I stumbled upon Crystal's blog: Biblical Womanhood. [Note from Brianna: Biblical Womanhood is no longer an active blog.] When I first began to read some of her writings, I thought “Are you crazy?” The idea of serving my husband constantly really rubbed me the wrong way. But the more time I spent reading my bible, looking to biblical examples, following her blog and reading other edifying books, the more I realized how wrong my attitudes were. I began to understand (and embrace!) the role that God has given me; to be a helper to my husband and a keeper of my home.

God has since then blessed us with two little ones. My dreams of college courses and accounting positions pale in comparison to the dream that I am living now. Some days are rough and other days are bliss but most are a combination of the two. I cook much better, I love to bake, our house is in pretty good shape most days and Scott hasn’t had to iron anything himself this year.

I’m still such a work in progress but praise the Lord for the victories that I am seeing as I continue to try and live out biblical womanhood!

Some thoughts from my journey so far:

Heart Toward God: Have you heard the phrase “You will only be as good a mother as you are a Christian”? I think it is true. He must come first. It is He that enables you to be the sacrificing servant that you need to be in order for your heart to really be focused on your family and your home.

Aptitude is Optional but Attitude is Essential: I didn’t enter my marriage with a lot of aptitude. In fact, I really was domestically challenged! Four years in and I still have so much to learn and such a long way to go. I fail miserably in many areas on a weekly (or daily!) basis but I have a willing attitude. I want to learn, to grow, to be the woman, wife and mother that He wants me to be. He'll provide the ability as we look to Him.

Read His Word: Some may claim that the bible is old fashioned, but it is timeless and His truths endure to all generations (Psalm 100:5). In following His blueprints for biblical womanhood, marriage and childrearing, our lives will glorify Him and we will reap benefits. The bible is full of godly and ungodly women that we can learn from with practical how-to’s and the how-not-to’s.

Titus 2 Women: We can all be teachers and students if we are willing. Find yourself a godly ‘older’ (Titus 2) woman whom you can learn from in spiritual things as well as domestic practical matters. Maybe she’s your neighbor, or she attends your church or maybe she is an online friend. If you can’t find one, pray for one.

Like-Minded Friends: Hearts toward home in today’s society is not a popular notion. Even in Christian circles, the value placed on mothers and homes in general isn’t what it should be. Iron sharpeneth iron. Having friends within the church, your social group or online, that share the same values are vital. Sharing lessons learned and being able to rejoice together in victories and good days are also so important on this journey. It is also essential to have someone there to encourage you on those not so stellar days.

Good Blogs: They can be edifying, uplifting, encouraging and, at times, gently convicting. The Lord used Biblical Womanhood in a great way to change the direction of my life. If used wisely, we can learn much from good blogs through real life lessons shared on them.

Good Books: Someone somewhere said that if you only have time to read one book, make it the bible! I agree. But I think that there is also a wealth of knowledge and benefit to be gained in reading good bible-based books on womanhood, marriage and the family. If they are based on scriptural truths and examples then they will not necessarily be new ideas to you, however they may have some practical applications that you might not have thought of before.

Some Favorite Resources

Titus 2 Women 3 Book Series: Secrets of a Happy Heart, Happily Married and Parenting with Wisdom by Debi Pryde This series is so awesome! It deals with you and your relationship with the Lord, then your spouse and then your children.

Loving God with All Your Mind by Elizabeth George

Passionate Housewives Desperate for God by Jenny Chancy and Stacy McDonald

A Wife After God’s Own Heart by Elizabeth George

Striving to be the woman, wife and mother that God is calling her to be, Jenn embraces her beautiful calling fully. No longer quite so domestically challenged, she’s still a work-in-progress and writes about it all at Beautiful Calling.

Alec Josiah: A Birth Story

In the spirit of my friend Judy Kay, I'll start this post by saying this:

For any guy readers out there, here's the boy version--I had a baby. He was born on Saturday, July 11th at 1:23 pm. He was completely healthy and totally adorable. He weighed 8 lbs, 9 oz, was 20 1/4 inches long and we named him Alec Josiah. The End.

Now for all my girl readers...who (as Tara said) want all the "gory details"...

Ahem. Let's begin, shall we?

The last time I had a baby, I experienced prodromal labor for nearly a full month. I started having contractions that kept me up at night when I was only 38 weeks. This continued until Levi was finally born at almost 42 weeks. Sigh. Are you tired yet? I was trying to mentally prepare myself for this same possibility this time around. I'd had contractions for a few days--contractions that, once again, were enough to wake me and make me think about timing them.

But they didn't really go anywhere. I'd eat a bowl of Cheerios, post something silly on Facebook, and head back to bed to try to get some more sleep.

Last Friday (the 10th), things felt a little more intense. I'd felt the urge to put things in the house in order and decided I should probably head to the grocery store to stock up for the coming week. Baby was quite low and contractions were coming, however sporadically. It took me forever in the grocery store--and I'm pretty sure I was walking like an old woman.

That night was Cow Appreciation Day at Chick-fil-A. Dress like a cow, get free chicken. Yes, yes indeed, me and my big pregnant self dressed like a cow along with the other bovines in my family, and headed over to Chick-fil-A to make some memories and eat free chicken. The call of free chicken is a strong one.

Sitting there with Keith while the boys played, the contractions continued--seeming to come more regularly. "I think this might be the real deal," I remember saying to Keith. But I was still feeling somewhat hesitant remembering last time around when Levi had tricked me over and over.

We headed home, put the boys to bed and got into bed ourselves. That night about 12:30, I woke up and asked Keith to time my contractions. Much to my dismay, they still weren't regular at all--coming between 5 and 12 minutes apart. Finally, they seemed to settle all together and I fell asleep again.

The next morning, Keith was supposed to head to work to complete a Saturday job--a rare happening. My contractions were still not at all regular, though still coming, but I felt completely desperate at the thought of Keith leaving me. I knew I couldn't handle the two boys by myself, but more than that I just couldn't bear the thought of being alone.

Keith finally called into work and said that he felt he should probably stay with me--at least until his mom could come over and be with me while he went in to work.

I got out of bed shortly after and started walking around. I didn't feel at all hungry and hadn't eaten since very early that morning (about 4). I was still feeling so hesitant and full of self-doubt. Was this going to be the real thing or not? Did I even know?

I decided to call a friend who is a midwife and speak with her a bit about prodromal labor. She was very encouraging, gave me a few tips about resting and getting contractions to stop and also a few tips on how to get things moving along if this was the real thing. While I was talking to her, I had to breathe through several contractions.

Shortly after getting off the phone with my friend, I found myself walking constantly through the house. Just walking in circles. Then grabbing my birth ball. Then begging the children to "please, don't touch me!" Then calling my mother and starting to cry and saying I really couldn't do this.

Hello. Signs of transition, anyone?

It finally clicked into my brain. My contractions were so intense that I couldn't talk through them and I had to focus fully on my breathing. They were coming every three minutes. I was a full hour away from the hospital.

Panic set in.

I was never going to make it to the hospital.

Keith, seeing the swift change in circumstances, called his mom and asked her to come, now. He started throwing our stuff in the car. I could tell he was a bit panicked because he was getting frustrated over the littlest things. Things like not being able to find the only set of keys for our car.

Keith's mom finally arrived. I say finally, and it probably wasn't that long, but every minute was feeling like an eternity to me at this point. She was very concerned when she saw me and asked if I was going to make it. I'm sure she was even more concerned when I responded with a grimace. Which meant...I'm really not sure...

The last thing I wanted to do was climb into the seat of that car. To get into a seated position and be held captive inside an automobile for an hour was not my idea of a good time at this point. The thought of it made me crazy, in fact. But Keith got me inside and off we started.

We had only driven for a few minutes when I looked over at Keith.

"Keith. I am not going to make it."

Now, there is indeed a hospital closer than an hour away. In fact, there is a hospital about seven minutes from our house. But. (And please don't be offended if you've delivered there and you love the hospital, the doctors, and the nurses...) But I really didn't want to give birth there. After having the experience of natural birth at a birth center and then at home, there was no way I wanted to set foot in that hospital. The hospital in Warner Robins was waiting for me with a caring midwife who understood my desires for childbirth and was on my team.

I still didn't think I was going to make it.

I called my midwife, Carlene, to tell her so. She reassured me that I could probably make it, but that it was a decision I'd have to make myself.

We decided to go for it.

Later Keith told me that the fastest he drove was 105. Miles. An. Hour.

I'm so glad I didn't know that at the time.

I don't think I've ever prayed so hard or recited so many Scripture verses. My prayers sounded mostly like this, "Oh, Jesus. Sweet Jesus. Help me." And, "Please don't let this baby be born on the side of the road."

A drive that normally takes at least 60 minutes took less than 45. Carlene met us on the way, and we drove in a crazy caravan with lights flashing.

As we pulled into the hospital, I don't think I've ever been so relieved in my livelong life.

We were met at the door by Carlene and a nurse with a wheelchair. They wheeled me upstairs and into a birthing room. Carlene checked me. I was nine centimeters dilated.

Continuing to breath through contractions (I think I was the calmest with this birth at this point), I climbed into the tub to let the warm water spray on my back. Heaven. The lab tech came to draw my blood. I'm sure I gave the most evil eyed look ever and refused. Were they freaking kidding me?

Carlene, seeing that I was probably about to deliver, asked me to get out of the tub so she could check me again. She noted that baby's heartones were dropping quite a bit with contractions and began to move swiftly. She looked me in the eye and said, "This baby needs to come out now. You need to push him out now. Do you understand me, Brianna? When I tell you to push, you need to push, OK?"

With Keith on one side and a nurse on the other, I started pushing. Up till now, I'd been almost completely silent. No more. Maybe someday I'll get through the pushing without yelling my head off, but today was not the day. In less than ten minutes, Alec had been born. Face up. Every time I think about that, I feel like giving myself a good old "HooRAH!" and patting myself on the back.

There is absolutely no joy, relief, ecstasy like having my baby put into my arms. (And perhaps the added benefit of being amazed to have lived through the pushing...)

He was perfect. So beautiful. So very beautiful. And he looked just like his brothers. With one notable exception. He had perfect straight feet. So tiny, narrow and straight. Amazing.

The emotions swelled over and the tears and sobs of happiness and relief came pouring out.

Alec Josiah. A blessing from the hand of my Heavenly Father.

Lord, make us parents after your own heart. May we remember that our boys are only given in trust to us. May we shape their hearts for eternity and direct their eyes toward your character and love. May they know you as their Lord and Savior early in their lives and grow to be men of godliness and integrity.

Love Is Spelled R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Image by Coolm36

The following is a guest post from Christin at Journey to a Gracious Woman.

It is no secret that men and women are different (or is it?!). God created us, men and women, with diverse roles in His creation. He chose our place because we are in no position to tell God otherwise. I find it incredibly designed that God made wives to respect their husbands and made husbands to love their wives (Ephesians 5:33), because those are the elements we each need to thrive. He knows this! Husbands need respect from their wives as greatly as wives need love from their husbands. For husbands, respect is love and love is respect.

A number of translations use the word respect in place of reverence. I think these two words are quite different from each other, one being at a much deeper level then the other. However, I also believe that if we cannot respect our husbands we will certainly not reverence them.

Ephesians 5:33 (KJV)
... and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

I believe one of the most common reasons it is difficult for wives to respect their husbands is because they don't understand his deep need for it. The second most common justification, that I have witnessed, is that wives wait until their husbands deserve respect before they give it.

Until I understood my husbands deep need for respect and why he thrived on it, I didn't put forth much effort to respect him. Sometimes respect can come automatically, but the majority of the time, showing respect is very intentional. It is something that often must be thought out before being carried out.

I want to take a look at 3 aspects of respecting our husbands. The first one being the impact our respect will have on our husbands, the second being the consequences of not giving respect, and finally what intentional respect looks like in action.

The Impact of Your Respect

Earlier I said I believed much of the reason why wives don't respect their husbands is because they are unaware of how it impacts them. They are unaware of their real need for it. Today, you will be without excuse ;). Now, stay with me because this is important, and in fact very encouraging. Respecting your husband shows/tells your husband:

• where he ranks in your life
• you believe in him
• you trust him
• you are proud of him
• you love him
• you're his biggest fan
• you accept him [how he is]
  

Imagine how secure our husbands would be if we respected him in word, tone, action, and in public. We wives are a safe-haven for our husbands. They should be the most comfortable around the women they love, thus letting their guard down. We have a great responsibility, ladies.

If a man's wife believes in him, he can conquer the world--or at least his little corner of it.
For Women Only, by Shaunti Feldhan

Consequences of No Respect

Picture this scenario: a husband and his wife are chit chatting after church service with some friends. Though the wife respects her husband [in her own mind], she proceeds to tell her friends how her husband tried to fix the lawn mower but somehow only made it worse and that what he should've done was just taken it in and paid the money to have it fixed. She believes to be having a lighthearted conversation about just everyday life happenings, but he has just felt cut down and made to feel inadequate simply because he wanted to try to see if he could fix the mower himself.

Not only has this woman embarrassed him [most likely unknowingly] in front of their friends, she has indirectly called him inept, suggesting he was incapable of being handy, before he even tried. She should be his biggest cheerleader and encouragement. Instead, she made it very clear to her husband and their friends that she doesn't respect his abilities.

I don't think many women realize what they do to their husbands when they show disrespect in public. This strips a man of his dignity right out there in the open. If a man cannot even be respected by his own wife, the people surrounding him will not respect him, even if it's in secret.

We have the potential to make our husbands:

• feel inadequate (or have justification for those already lurking feelings)
• be disrespected by others
• feel unloved
• just give up trying
  

Intentional Respect in Action

So how do we show intentional as opposed to "going through the motions" respect towards our husbands? Well, there really are an endless amount of ways. Just like there are many ways for our husbands to intentionally show us love. But let me highlight a few that will make your man feel on top of the world!

1. Express to him you support [and respect] his decision making (even if it's not what you would do)
   
2. Brag about him to your friends---and his
3. Be mindful of your tone and wording - even if you don't intend to belittle your husband, we frequently do without even knowing it. An example of this would be constantly reminding (or nagging) them to do something (anything). We often make the mistake of believing they need to be reminded, and the more we nag, the less they want to carry out whatever it is they are "supposed" to be doing.
4. Do not question his knowledge or judgment
   
5. Encourage his abilities
   

In order to respect our husbands openly, we must respect them privately, in our own hearts. If you need help with this, pray. God can help! Often, when we outwardly respect them, they will respond in one way or another and our hearts will often change.

Christin is the wife to Jonathan and mother of 4 children. She is committed to living a life of service to God, journey's to becoming a help meet to her husband, and a devoted mother to her children. She enjoys homeschooling, reading, blogging, and doing what she can to help others. You can find her blogging transparently at Journey to a Gracious Woman.

Hearts Turned Toward Home: Erin's Story

The following is a guest post from Erin at A Full Heart and is the first installment of Hearts Turned Towards Home. If you are interested in sharing your story of how God turned your heart toward home, please click here.

Thank you, Brianna, for asking me to do a guest post, and CONGRATULATIONS! on your 3rd blessing! I hope you are enjoying your "babymoon" and loving your new little man!

Getting ready for this post took some pondering and looking back to when and how I became so passionate about being a Homemaker - it certainly was a process, and one that took quite a few years! Here's my story.

When I first became a mother, I left my job to stay at home. It was something my husband and I felt was the "right" thing to do - afterall, why bring life into the world just to leave it in someone else's hands to care for? We felt strongly about that, but I wouldn't say it was exactly a conviction from the Lord. I didn't even really consider what God's thoughts about motherhood were (I was still rather a "baby" Christian myself)!

After a few years and another baby, staying at home with 2 under 3 didn't seem to be as... fulfilling... as I heard it was supposed to be. I hated housecleaning, and I hated having my time taken up by everyone else. Sure, I loved my kids, I loved my husband... but what about me?!

In my teenage years I was an avid horseback rider, I thought perhaps I could find my fulfillment in that again. I tried taking lessons, but the schedule never fit in to when my husband could be home to take care of the little ones, which lead to more frustration. I cried to my husband about how I need more, something to "find myself" in. Oh, how I had bought into the enemy's lies of "its all about me" feminism! But the Lord was patient, and faithful (as He always is!)

Over the years, I continued to wrestle with my attitude. I was discontent, and it seemed like everywhere I turned, I was hearing "fulfill yourself - no matter what the cost to your kids" - even from within the church! I was tormented, as my flesh so desperately desired it, yet something warred within my spirit. I felt as if I couldn't get peace anywhere - so I finally turned to the Source of Peace Himself. I don't know why it took so long for me to even consider what the Lord had to say about it, but once I did, I was amazed at what I discovered! I read Titus 2:3-5, of course, and 1 Timothy 5:14, Proverbs 31, Proverbs 14:1, as well as Deuteronomy 6. It was as if I'd never seen these verses before, they were suddenly so real to me!

One thing that majorly jumped out at me were the warnings that followed many of the verses - I realized that forsaking my role at home (even in attitude!) brought dishonor to the Word of God, allowed the enemy room to be reproachful, as well as tore down the relationships within my home! Yikes! His Word also showed me how God created the home to be a place of ministry for women! I had no need to look for an "outside" ministry - I had one right under my roof - to my children, my husband, the lost, and brothers and sisters in Christ!

Then I saw the example of Jesus himself - how he came to serve, not to be served, and how, to model his likeness, I too must have the heart of a servant - not one of serving myself! I cried out to the Lord and asked His forgiveness for my gross selfishness, and asked Him to help me have the right attitudes. A change happened then and there! The verse that comes to mind when I think of what He did for me is:

He makes the barren woman abide in the house
As a joyful mother of children.
Praise the LORD!
Psalm 113:9

Now, with 5 sons ages 8 and under, no one would consider me "barren" in the literal sense - but my heart was barren, empty of the love God would have me pour out in my home. However, He restored my heart, through His love, so that I can overflow and be a joyfully content mother, wife, and keeper at home - walking in His perfect calling.

Once I turned my heart toward God, it was He who turned my heart toward home!

Erin Robinson has been married 10.5 years to Michael, and they are the blessed parents of 5 boys, ages 8, 6, 4, 2, and 3 months. Erin blogs at A Full Heart - her blog is a blend of insights into the life of a busy and growing homeschooling family, as well as Godly encouragement to women!

My Sweet Little One Is Here!

We arrived home from the hospital today! Alec Josiah was born Saturday, July 11th (right on his due date) at 1:23pm. He weighed 8 lbs, 9 oz (my smallest baby yet) and was 20 1/4 inches long.

He's perfectly delightful and we all love him--including his brothers who are learning what it means to be, "gentle, **gentle!!**" (As my heart leaps in my throat...)

I hope to share his birth story and pictures soon, but for now I need to rest. ;)

Calling in the Reinforcements

Image by psd

Today the reinforcements are coming in.

Can I get a "Woohoo!!"

Actually, I didn't really call them in. They called me up and offered their help. How great is that?

One sweet girl is coming over to play with my boys. A dear friend is coming over and we're going to tag team the cleaning. The happy sound of a vacuum will ring through my home once again.

Yes, good friends can certainly make me wax poetic.

This will be the last item on my to-do list that I feel like really, really needs to be done before Alec gets here. Everything else is just gravy. I'll be 39 weeks tomorrow, so it could be today or it could be three weeks from now.

(Please don't make me wait 3 weeks, little man.)

I am so incredibly grateful today to have these friends who are not only willing to come help me, but even offered their help--more than once. May I have the generosity of spirit to see the needs of others in the future and serve them as well.

Would You Like to Be a Guest Poster?

Image by Swami Stream

Over the (approximately) six weeks that I'm planning to be mostly babymooning, I've got some flat fabulous guest posters lined up to share with you. Good stuff.

I'm still looking for a few more people who would be willing to write about the topics I cover here--basically the subjects covered in Titus 2. Loving our husbands and children, managing our homes, loving our Lord. This could cover a pretty wide range--money management, organization and productivity, quiet times, teaching our children, food preparation, etc.

If you have a post you'd like to share, please use the contact button above to inquire, and I'll send you the guest posting guidelines. You do not need to have a blog to submit a guest post.

I also want to remind you about the Hearts Turned Toward Home Series. It will be launching during my babymoon and I would absolutely love to hear from more of you. What has God done in your life to turn your heart toward your home? For more information about this series, you can go here.