Love Is Spelled R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Image by Coolm36

The following is a guest post from Christin at Journey to a Gracious Woman.

It is no secret that men and women are different (or is it?!). God created us, men and women, with diverse roles in His creation. He chose our place because we are in no position to tell God otherwise. I find it incredibly designed that God made wives to respect their husbands and made husbands to love their wives (Ephesians 5:33), because those are the elements we each need to thrive. He knows this! Husbands need respect from their wives as greatly as wives need love from their husbands. For husbands, respect is love and love is respect.

A number of translations use the word respect in place of reverence. I think these two words are quite different from each other, one being at a much deeper level then the other. However, I also believe that if we cannot respect our husbands we will certainly not reverence them.

Ephesians 5:33 (KJV)
... and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

I believe one of the most common reasons it is difficult for wives to respect their husbands is because they don't understand his deep need for it. The second most common justification, that I have witnessed, is that wives wait until their husbands deserve respect before they give it.

Until I understood my husbands deep need for respect and why he thrived on it, I didn't put forth much effort to respect him. Sometimes respect can come automatically, but the majority of the time, showing respect is very intentional. It is something that often must be thought out before being carried out.

I want to take a look at 3 aspects of respecting our husbands. The first one being the impact our respect will have on our husbands, the second being the consequences of not giving respect, and finally what intentional respect looks like in action.

The Impact of Your Respect

Earlier I said I believed much of the reason why wives don't respect their husbands is because they are unaware of how it impacts them. They are unaware of their real need for it. Today, you will be without excuse ;). Now, stay with me because this is important, and in fact very encouraging. Respecting your husband shows/tells your husband:

• where he ranks in your life
• you believe in him
• you trust him
• you are proud of him
• you love him
• you're his biggest fan
• you accept him [how he is]
  

Imagine how secure our husbands would be if we respected him in word, tone, action, and in public. We wives are a safe-haven for our husbands. They should be the most comfortable around the women they love, thus letting their guard down. We have a great responsibility, ladies.

If a man's wife believes in him, he can conquer the world--or at least his little corner of it.
For Women Only, by Shaunti Feldhan

Consequences of No Respect

Picture this scenario: a husband and his wife are chit chatting after church service with some friends. Though the wife respects her husband [in her own mind], she proceeds to tell her friends how her husband tried to fix the lawn mower but somehow only made it worse and that what he should've done was just taken it in and paid the money to have it fixed. She believes to be having a lighthearted conversation about just everyday life happenings, but he has just felt cut down and made to feel inadequate simply because he wanted to try to see if he could fix the mower himself.

Not only has this woman embarrassed him [most likely unknowingly] in front of their friends, she has indirectly called him inept, suggesting he was incapable of being handy, before he even tried. She should be his biggest cheerleader and encouragement. Instead, she made it very clear to her husband and their friends that she doesn't respect his abilities.

I don't think many women realize what they do to their husbands when they show disrespect in public. This strips a man of his dignity right out there in the open. If a man cannot even be respected by his own wife, the people surrounding him will not respect him, even if it's in secret.

We have the potential to make our husbands:

• feel inadequate (or have justification for those already lurking feelings)
• be disrespected by others
• feel unloved
• just give up trying
  

Intentional Respect in Action

So how do we show intentional as opposed to "going through the motions" respect towards our husbands? Well, there really are an endless amount of ways. Just like there are many ways for our husbands to intentionally show us love. But let me highlight a few that will make your man feel on top of the world!

1. Express to him you support [and respect] his decision making (even if it's not what you would do)
   
2. Brag about him to your friends---and his
3. Be mindful of your tone and wording - even if you don't intend to belittle your husband, we frequently do without even knowing it. An example of this would be constantly reminding (or nagging) them to do something (anything). We often make the mistake of believing they need to be reminded, and the more we nag, the less they want to carry out whatever it is they are "supposed" to be doing.
4. Do not question his knowledge or judgment
   
5. Encourage his abilities
   

In order to respect our husbands openly, we must respect them privately, in our own hearts. If you need help with this, pray. God can help! Often, when we outwardly respect them, they will respond in one way or another and our hearts will often change.

Christin is the wife to Jonathan and mother of 4 children. She is committed to living a life of service to God, journey's to becoming a help meet to her husband, and a devoted mother to her children. She enjoys homeschooling, reading, blogging, and doing what she can to help others. You can find her blogging transparently at Journey to a Gracious Woman.

Eight Years of Marriage to the Most Wonderful Man on the Planet

Eight years ago yesterday, I stood beside the man in the picture above and pledged my life to him--and he did the same for me.

Eight years! I can't believe it's been that long!

We've seen some rough days. And we've seen some really, really good days. All in all, I'm so glad those days were spent together.

Every once in a while, I get a fresh look at my Keith. And I feel true amazement that I have the privilege of being his wife. And the mother of his children. Thank you, Lord!

Our wedding day took place in Orillia, Ontario (my hometown) on one of the chilliest June days I'd ever remembered. But I don't remember feeling that cold. My bridesmaids were absolutely freezing, but I must have had some serious love, adrenaline, and happiness keeping me warm that day!

Since then, we've traveled the road of marriage. A marriage is a whole different story from a wedding. You all know what I mean. I've got to say that our marriage has been a beautiful, wonderful thing. It's been hard. Really hard sometimes. But the tapestry of beauty the Lord has woven in our marriage...amazes me.

I know we both feel more secure. Confident in ourselves and each other because of our marriage. I've seen him grow. He's seen me grow. We've seen each other at our very, very worst. And we still want to be with each other. He still loves me and desires me. Frankly, it blows my mind.

I know the next eight years may hold more hard things. But I'm confident that with God's help, they will also hold more beauty and wonder than I can imagine.

Keith, baby, I don't want anyone but you. I'm yours forever and forever yours.

For more thankful thoughts, please visit Heavenly Homemakers.

Rockin' Recipe: Lasagna--A Romantic Dinner for Two

Image by oddsock

There are a few foods in my life that make me, well, drool. I would say "make my mouth water" because it's so much more polite, but it isn't exactly, well, accurate.

Just keeping it real here, folks.

The following recipe is sure to make you and your husband drool. (How's that for the beginning of a post that's about a romantic dinner?)

But, really, if you'd like to plan a stay-at-home-date for a special occasion, this recipe is just the thing.

This recipe is my mom's lasagna recipe--with a few of my own tweaks. Since my earliest memories, it has been one of the absolute favorites of my family. And now I make it for my own family--including my husband, of course. And the drooling continues down through the generations. It's a beautiful thing.

Lasagna

Ingredients:
1 lb. ground beef (sometimes I'll use mild sausage for a bit of a different flavor--both are yummy)
1 clove garlic, minced
1 T. basil
1 1/2 t. salt
2 1/2 c. canned diced or crushed tomatoes (just depends on your family's texture preferences)
2 6 0z. cans tomato paste
16 oz. lasagna noodles (you could make these whole wheat if you wanted)
4 c. cottage cheese
3/4 c. parmesan cheese
2 T. parsley
2 beaten eggs
2 t. salt
1/2 t. pepper
24 oz. mozzarella cheese, shredded

Instructions:
Brown meat slowly and drain off excess fat. Add the next five ingredients. Simmer uncovered for 30 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Cook noodles in large pot with boiling, salted water. Remove from heat while still quite firm (a little firmer than al dente). The noodles will continue to soften when you cook the dish. You don't want them to be so soft that they fall apart when you try to place them in the pan or to taste mushy in the final product. I drain and rinse these noodles and then cover them with cold water. This ensures that the noodles won't dry out and stick together before you put them in the pan. Otherwise, you'll end up tearing noodles to pieces and grimacing in frustration. (Ask me how I know.)

Combine remaining ingredients in a separate bowl (except mozzarella cheese).

Place noodles carefully in the bottom of a 9x13 baking dish. You may need to trim them a bit to get them to fit evenly. Add a third of your cottage cheese mixture, a third of your meat mixture, and a generous sprinkle of mozzarella cheese. Repeat layers till you have a total of three layers--EXCEPT don't put the mozzarella cheese on your last layer yet!

You want to save that mozzarella and put it on in the last 20 minutes of baking or so. Otherwise your cheese will burn. (Ask me how I know.)

This lasagna will be best if you cover it and refrigerate it overnight. Oh, the flavors will be so beautifully blended if you do this! But it's not absolutely necessary.

When you're ready to finish it up, cover with foil and bake at 375 for at 25 minutes. Remove foil, add cheese and bake for at least another 15-20 minutes. It will take longer if you had it in the fridge beforehand. When the the cheese is nicely melted, edges are bubbling, and the center is heated through, it's ready! Let it stand 10-15 minutes before cutting into squares.

This will actually make more than enough for a small family, so it's definitely too much for a twosome. But the leftovers are great, it freezes well, and you can also cut the recipe in half and bake it in an 8x8 pan if you like.

To round out this fine recipe you could serve it with a tossed green salad and Italian salad dressing, some yummy breadsticks, and some chocolate or raspberry sorbet for dessert.(Chocolate for me and raspberry for my husband!) Oh, and don't forget the candles, special dishes, and sparkling grape juice served in those flutes you got on your wedding day and haven't used since.

Enjoy!

For more ideas for a romantic dinner, please visit the Ultimate Recipe Swap at LifeasMOM!

Rockin' Recipes: Mother's Day Menu and Loving My Husband

Image by smoorenburg

Mother's Day. Valentine's Day. My birthday. Our wedding anniversary.

You know what all these days have in common? They used to represent collectively the worst days of my year. Days that represented disappointment, frustration and resentment. I know. That sounds terrible! But it's the truth.

Almost inevitably, these days would leave me feeling angry with my husband. If he really loves me, why doesn't he do "xyz" for me on days like today? Anyone been there before? Now, don't get me wrong. I've got an awesome husband. But he has a few quirks. Want to know what they are?

a) He's completely different from me.
b) He's never learned to read my mind.

Weird, right?

OK, you're probably chuckling by now. At me and at yourself. Because we've most likely all been here at one time or another in our marriage.

I'm not usually miserable on these days any more. In fact, I usually really enjoy them! Would you like to know what changed? No, he didn't "figure it all out". Instead, I figured a few things out. And here's what I've done differently:

1. I set my expectations really low.
Now that might sound like another slam on my sweet husband, but I really don't mean it that way. I've just learned that when I don't expect much, I'm almost always very pleasantly surprised. I let him be who he is, and I plan ahead of time to be happy with very little. I think this makes him feel more free to go an extra mile instead of worrying that he isn't going to live up to my high expectations. I think the pressure of that made him resent me, actually.

2. I tell him exactly what I want.
Instead of expecting him to read my mind, I lay it all out there. I tell him what I want him to give me. I tell him what I want to do. I tell him what I'd like to eat. And sometimes I tell him that I'd like him to come up with something, however small, that he thinks of on his own. This might sound funny, but it's made us both much happier. No more guessing games on his end, and no more disappointment on mine.

3. I try to remember that he loves me more than life itself and wants to show me love.
Even when I'm feeling unloved, the truth of the matter is that I am deeply loved. I give him the benefit of the doubt that he is trying his best to please me.

So, isn't this post supposed to be about recipes?

Oh, yeah.

Actually, I'm not having a pregnancy moment. This is all fitting together, trust me. Because of the things I've just mentioned, this is what I'm doing this year for Mother's Day: I'm giving my husband a menu (telling him exactly what I want). I'm keeping it really simple--I'm even making some of it up ahead of time and putting it in the freezer (keeping my expectations low). And I'm telling him I want it served to me in bed (telling him exactly what I want).

Maybe some of you feel like this is just wrong! But it works for us and keeps our marriage happy. So there.

Here's the menu:

Whole Wheat Pancakes (that freeze super-de-duper well) with sucanat syrup
Strawberries and cantaloupe (these have been soooo good here, lately!)
Tea (I love black tea and don't indulge in it very often when pregnant.)

You can probably figure out how to cut up strawberries and cantaloupe all by yourself. So, I won't say much more about that.

You can learn how to brew the perfect cup of tea here. I'm telling you, there is a world of difference between a proper cup of tea and an improper cup of tea!

And here is my recipe for my very delicious pancakes:

Whole Wheat Pancakes

1 1/2 cups of freshly ground soft white wheat flour (OK, I know. Most people don't have a wheat grinder in their cabinet. So, if you want these to be light and fluffy, maybe do half white and half whole wheat if you can't grind it yourself. Otherwise, they'll be too heavy and dry.)
1 t. salt
3 T. sugar (I use sucanat)
1 3/4 t. baking powder
1 egg
3 T. melted butter or coconut oil
1 to 1 1/4 c. milk (I've actually been using water since my youngest son has to be dairy free, and they still turn out deliciously. Cheaper, too!)

Mix all the dry ingredients together. Then add the egg and oil/butter. Gradually add your milk or water until you get the consistency you want. Thicker batter will mean thicker pancakes and thinner will mean thinner pancakes.

Heat your skillet over medium high heat. The heat will be right when water droplets sprinkled on the skillet dance and then disappear. Spoon your batter on with a ladle slowly and uniformly to get nice little circles. Flip your pancakes when bubbles appear on top and the edges start to look dry. The second side won't take as long as the first.

Serve with sucanat syrup, maple syrup, fruit, peanut butter, or whatever!

Once cooled, these can be stacked and frozen. They make great quick breakfasts. You can reheat them in the microwave (my preference) or in the toaster (my husband's preference).

This recipe is adapted from Joy of Cooking.

Sucanat Syrup

1 part sucanat
1 part water

Combine in saucepan over medium heat. Heat till dissolved and boiling. Pour into mason jar and store in fridge. Easy peasy!

Feel free to steal my ideas. Maybe you'll smile your way through Mother's Day this year!

For more great Mother's Day recipes, please visit LifeasMOM for the Ultimate Recipe Swap.

You're Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile

Image by kennymatic

Can you hear the tune?

Who cares what they're wearing
From Main Street to Saville Row,
It's what you wear from ear to ear
And not from head to toe
(That matters)

My toes are tapping now. (It's from the musical Annie for those of you who don't recognize it.)

I do, in fact, believe that it matters what you're wearing from head to toe. But if I had to choose between being a smiling woman who's still wearing her PJ's and a beautifully dressed woman who's angry, frowning, or has a generally unpleasant countenance...I'd go with the smiling PJ's girl.

Why is a simple smile so important?

1. It sets a tone for our homes.
The other day I talked about the difference beween home management and homemaking. I said that homemaking is the part of our job that encompasses creating beauty for our families. A smile is a beautiful way to start gracing your home with some beauty.

2. It brings encouragement to hearts.
Have you ever felt encouraged by a genuine smile from a friend? Has the smile of your child ever lifted your spirit? What about a gentle smile from your husband? Yes, smiles are powerful sources of encouragement. In fact, your own smile can lift your own spirit!
"A cheerful look brings joy to the heart." (Proverbs 15:30a)

3. It's good for you!
Apparently, smiling releases certain hormones and endorphins that relieve stress and make you feel better. The research shows it. But God didn't need our research to know this truth, did He?
"A cheerful heart is good medicine." (Proverbs 17:22a)

4. It's hard to frown when you're smiling.
When you actively pursue a cheerful attitude with a smile, it's a lot harder for a frown to creep onto your face. Purposeful smiling on "one of those days" can make all the difference in the world. Choose a smile.

5. It's the quickest, cheapest, best way to make yourself more attractive.
Have you ever caught yourself in the mirror while you were giving your sweet husband or darling children one of those looks? I have. It wasn't pretty. We've all seen women who were beautifully dressed, but whose countenance made them ugly. Let's not look like that!

Sometimes I have a day when I'm still wearing my PJ's and I'm frowning at everyone and everything. But I'm getting there. And I think that my family would agree that most days I smile more than I frown. Smiling definitely works for me. Try it!

The Stay-At-Home Date Night

Image by diogo86.

In all my reading about keeping your marriage strong and healthy, I've found a recurring theme. The importance of spending time together. More than one author has advised the regular date night.

For my husband and I this is a bit of dilemma. This season of our lives makes it hard to accomplish a regular date night. We've got young children--two small boys and another on the way. It's hard for us to find a sitter. Plus, we have a very, very tight budget. Neither lend well to a date night. But we find that this season of our lives also leaves us very much in need of a date night!

So, what to do?

Enter the stay-at-home date.

Although getting out of the house, seeing new sights, breathing different air and experiencing a change of pace would be nice, that just isn't usually possible for us. The stay-at-home date is a good alternative.

Here's my tips on having a successful date night at home:

1. Put your date on your calendar.
Remember a million years ago before you were married? Your sweet man would call, you'd set up plans to go out, and then you'd put it on the calendar and wait for it with dreamy anticipation. Why not add a little of that back into your life? If you're the one planning the date (I'm the planner at our house), tell your husband you're starting something new. Put it on your calendar, talk it up, and look forward to spending some fun time together.

2. Get the littles in bed early.
Our date night is Friday. So, every Friday I try to make sure that I have something for my little guys to eat that's simple and quick. If necessary, I rearrange nap times and other scheduled events to ensure that they are ready to hit the hay pretty early in the evening.

3. Make it a fun, flirty time.
Again, remember the delight of just being together that you felt once upon a time? How just spending time in each other's company drinking coffee and chatting was so great? Set your mind on delighting in your husband's company. In fact, if you're in a season of your marriage where this seems impossible, ask the Lord to help you do this. It's His desire to see you have a marriage that doesn't just make it. He wants you to have an amazing marriage. Set your mind to have fun. Flirt. Wink. Kiss. Smile. Laugh.

4. Once in a while, make it extra special.
Every once in a while, plan a little something extra. Something extra sweet. Or, ahem, spicy. Fix an extra fancy dinner. Put on some music and dance. Use your imagination.

Ideas:
To be honest, I could really use some fresh ideas for our date nights. But here are some of the things we do on date night.

• Listen to a great audio book while eating popcorn
• Watch a movie
• Play a card or board game
• Sit and chat while drinking tea
• Read aloud to one another
• Get some of our favorite takeout or pop a frozen pizza in the oven
  

These might sound pretty boring, but like I mentioned, we do spice it up once in a while. Again, use your own imagination.

So, what about you? Please share your ideas for at-home date nights! Help me round out my ideas list!

For more frugal ideas, visit Frugal Friday at LifeasMOM.

Prizing My Husband

Image by HAMED MASOUMI

You know what? I've got a great husband. I really, really do. But sometimes. . .I can take him for granted. Or get irritated with small faults that grow to ridiculous proportions in my imagination.

Recently, I've been reminded of the importance of prizing my husband. I have a new, dear friend who I've been meeting with for dessert (Yum!) and a book discussion (Feminine Appeal by Carolyn Mahaney). She mentioned that she and her husband had been doing The Love Dare, which is a book that grew out of the movie Fireproof.

Now that last paragraph had a TON of marriage resources in it for you! I would especially recommend watching Fireproof if you haven't done so already. I've got a pretty good marriage, but it made me feel a burning desire to protect, grow and light my marriage on FIRE! (Pun intended.)

In any case, my sweet friend told me that one of the exercises in The Love Dare book was to make a list of all the positive things about your spouse. She told me that after she completed her list, she was overwhelmed with what a great gift she had in her husband! Now she keeps her list in a handy spot, so that she can pull it out occasionally when she needs to be reminded of the blessing God has given her.

Now, isn't that a fabulous idea?

So, I'm gonna copy her.

Here's my list:

My husband is. . .

• Patient (oh-so-very)
• Kind (he almost ALWAYS speaks kindness to me)
• Honest (never in our marriage has he told me a lie)
• Encouraging (on my worst days, he picks me up with his loving encouragement)
• Hardworking (seriously, girls, there is no one on the planet as hardworking)
• Visionary (he dreams AND shares those dreams with me)
• Generous (I'm embarrassed to say that by nature, I am NOT, so I really admire this)
• Committed to our family (I know that after God we're his number one priority)
• Faithful to follow God (even when he struggles, he presses on)

Really. I'm the luckiest woman alive. And I am so grateful for my husband today.

For more thankful thoughts, please visit Heavenly Homemakers for Gratituesday!

What about you? What are some of the things you love about your husband?