You’re Gonna Miss This

Image by D. Sharon Pruitt

The following is a guest post by Amanda from Mommy's Idea Book.

• Oh, I’ll be so glad when I don’t have to deal with bottles any more.
• I just wish he was potty-trained and out of these diapers, then I wouldn’t have to lug this diaper bag around any more.
• It’ll be nice to finally get a break once the kids get in school.
• Surely things will be easier once she gets older and can do some things for herself.

Do any of these lines sound familiar? Have you ever thought or said any of these things?

I’ll be the first to admit, I’ve thought or said all these things at one point or another.

After my son was born almost six years ago, I found myself constantly wishing he would grow out of one stage and into another, thinking things would be easier once he reached the next stage. I was a tired and sometimes frustrated new mom just trying to survive day to day with a new baby.

What I didn’t realize is I was inadvertently wishing our lives away by focusing on the irritating parts of each stage of his life rather than on the enjoyable and memorable parts of each stage.

Once I recognized how fast my little boy was actually growing up and just how short each segment of his life really is I felt guilty for wishing the time away. I knew it was imperative I put my mind on the positive aspects of his life, at every stage, rather than the negative ones.

So, that being said, how do we learn to focus on the positive instead of the negative?

1. Retrace our steps - Realizing our child will not stay young for very long is the first step to learning to live in the present and focus on the positives of each stage of their life. If we take a moment and look back to when our child was only a few months old, we will probably all remember thinking it took forever for him to stop waking up every two or three hours during the night. However, we can probably also look back and see how quickly the time actually flew by. By doing this, we can get an idea of just how short our time with our little ones really is.

1. Recognize our misconceptions - Sometimes, we parents fool ourselves into thinking if we can just get past this stage, everything will be peachy. Unfortunately, no matter the stage of our child’s life, there will always be less than pleasurable aspects. So by wishing one stage is over to get on to the next stage is really not accomplishing anything. In other words, each new stage will bring its own problems with it, so we might as well accept them and find happiness despite of them.

1. Rethink our priorities - It’s so easy to get caught up in having a spotless house or maintaining various commitments to the point we end up getting annoyed over the little things our children do or don’t do that are just part of being a kid. As a result, we try to “grow them up” too quickly, so they will fit into our pre-child lifestyle instead of reformatting our lifestyle to include our children. If unnecessary commitments and a squeaky clean house are constantly causing us to wish our kids were older so they could do more for themselves, it’s time to reassess our priorities. To put it plain, we’ll always have a house to clean and there will always be commitments to make, but our kids won’t always be kids.

As I began writing this article, I was reminded of a country music video my dad wanted me to watch a while back. Now, I don’t usually listen to country, but he said I really needed to see it. It was called “You’re Gonna Miss This” and sung by Trace Adkins.

I ended up crying through the whole video. The song talks about the stages of life we go through, from having young children to seeing them grow into adults and all the things we’ll miss about their childhood once they’re grown.

I’m glad I had the opportunity to watch this video while my kids are still really young because it changed my perspective on living each day to the fullest with them. I realized just how fleeting these times are in our lives.

Just ask an older mother or father and they’ll tell you time goes by in the blink of an eye. I want to cherish the good and the bad so I’ll be able to look back and know I didn’t wish away any of the time with my kids.

What about you? Are you wishing away precious time - days, weeks, months, or even years? Or are you living each day accepting and loving that precious time, good or not so good?

Amanda is a full-time mom to a five year old son and a two year old daughter, as well as a wife of almost 11 years. In addition, she blogs at Mommy’s Idea Book, a blog devoted to sharing information, tips and encouragement with other moms, wives and homemakers. She enjoys reading, cooking and spending time with her family.

What Crisis Management Mode Actually Looks Like

Image by Hamed Saber

Um. It's not pretty. (Unlike the lovely picture I've chosen for this post. I think I'm wishing I were there sometimes.)

I've been talking about crisis management mode here and here. And I'm definitely right in the middle of it. My baby isn't even here yet, but it is taking everything I've got just to get through the day. I'm waking many nights not being able to return to sleep. So, I'm very fatigued. Very.

A dear friend told me that perhaps even my last list was a little too ambitious. She told me to focus on "getting dressed and feeding and watering my family". Yes. I think she was right. As I have energy, I'm looking to other things as well, but I really don't have much energy.

So, right now, the house is often littered with random things. We've eaten eggs for dinner more times than I care to count. Laundry is in a little behind and what is clean is still in baskets. My husband is doing lots of dishes, and the meals we've had that weren't eggs, he prepared on the grill. (Bless that man.)

And blogging?

Ha!

That's about all I have to say about that.

To be honest, this has been really hard for me. I felt irresponsible and as though I were letting "someone" down. You know, the hordes of you who are tromping over here every day waiting with bated breath to read what I've written.

But I've come to realize (a bit painfully) that I may need to really step back from blogging even more than I had intentioned to when I anticipated baby coming. I don't plan to stop altogether. I love to write and I love to share what God has been teaching me. But this blog simply doesn't make the cut when it comes to my biggest priorities.

And that's OK.

Wow. What a burden lifted.

I am forever imposing burdens on myself that just don't need to be there. Doing things with a false sense of urgency.

When everything else falls away, there will be so little that really, really, really matters. And I want to focus on, and enjoy, what really matters.

I sincerely hope that those of you who stop by will continue to do so once in a while. Even if it means that there is a serious decline in fresh content. Of course, you could subscribe and then you wouldn't have to keep checking and you'd never miss a single captivating post. Hint, hint. Poke, poke.

But even if some of you move on to greener pastures and never visit again...that's OK. Can you tell I'm talking to myself?

Lord, thank you for the gift of family. For the blessings of children. Thank you for the opportunity of this season of life. Of nurturing, loving and teaching my little ones. May I never miss the "moments" that matter as I'm caught up in something far less important.

A Peek Inside My Heart: Performance Review Results

Image by Sukanto Debnath

So about that performance review.

Yeah.

So I did it.

And it was indeed both painful and encouraging. Just like I said it would probably be.

Today I'm going to invite you to walk with me through my performance review. A brief summary of it, anyway. Care to come in and have a cup of tea?

I do have a job description written--the tool that makes the performance review possible in the first place. If you'd like to read my job description, you can find it here. Having a job description made it pretty easy to walk through the process. Well, easy in the sense that I had clear direction for evaluation, anyway!

I did ask my husband to join me in the process. To be honest, I think it would have been a little painful and a little encouraging going through this on my own--having my husband be part of the process definitely made both of those feelings more intense. Still, it was incredibly valuable to get his insight and opinion. He can see some things more clearly than I can--both the positive and the negative.

Then we launched into the evaluation questions:

What am I doing well? What are my strengths? Is there a way my strengths could be utilized even better?
This part was easy. We both agreed that our house is a very different place to live in now. It's generally well ordered and peaceful. Laundry, dishes, dinner, etc, are all pretty well taken care of. We have had some "moments" here lately, but Keith pointed out that those are due mostly to our season--I'm at the end of pregnancy, feeling quite fatigued some days, and a little foggy in the memory department.

All in all, I'm doing very well with organizing, planning, and managing. And that says a lot, people!


What area(s) might need more attention? What are my weaknesses? How can these be strengthened?
Girls, this was the painful part. It was completely clear to me what my weakest area was. My children. The part in my job description where it says: "To train, love and nurture my children as God my Father does with me." This was definitely not getting the attention it needed.

Keith and I talked at length about the fact that the boys really need some serious focused attention right now. We have been blessed with the privilege and responsibility of raising one child who is God-designed with a very strong will. I've been feeling the need of late to make teaching, training and loving him and his brother the area that receives my biggest amount of energy and attention.

In fact, I have realized that for at least a season, I am going to need to make everything else in life almost as simple as possible, so that I can spend very, very focused attention on heart issues in my boys.

With the habits, routines, and structures we have in place, I feel that we will be held in good stead, as we scale back to the basics. For me, this is going to mean being an even better manager of my time. I'm going to have to use the time before my boys are up and after they are in bed very wisely. It will mean learning how to better include them in daily chores so that we work on things together, and I can more closely monitor heart attitudes and the actions that stem from those attitudes.

For my sweet little blog (and this is one of the hardest parts for me, I must admit), it will mean scaling back considerably as well. This blog has been so beneficial to me, because as I have written out my thoughts and what God has been graciously been teaching me, it has solidified those things in my heart and mind. It has spurred me on to excellence in many ways. I think it has also been an encouragement to others who have been in my shoes.

But it does take time to write, and my responsibility to train my children in righteousness is far more important eternally. So, for now, I'm going to be scaling back to writing twice a week and also including my Saturday links to share--though, even those posts may have fewer links, since collecting them does take time.

My hope is that with more focused attention on fewer posts, the quality will still be high and Heart(h) Management will continue to serve as an encouragement to others who are in the field of homemaking just like me.

Keith also pointed out that he felt we could use more time together. I heartily agree. I'm writing this ahead of time, but by the time this post publishes, we will have had our very first weekend away alone together since before children. Five years. Five years, people! This also means being more intentional about guarding our evenings together and seeking to get our littles in bed a bit earlier in order to have more time together in the evenings.

Is my job description truly adequate to give me direction, or does it need tweaking?
I'm happy to report that my job description served me well. I think it definitely covers what my priorities should be. It was certainly adequate to help me see the weaknesses that were present.

Is there a tool I could use that would help me significantly in my role?
I told Keith that I really felt like a new digital camera would really help me. I'm not sure he bought it. (Well, I know he didn't buy the camera, but I'm pretty sure even the idea didn't impress him much.)

However, one tool that has been helping me immensely of late is a little Firefox Add-On called TimeTracker. If you struggle with how much time you spend online like me, I highly recommend this little tool. Once you add it on, there will be a little clock in the lower right hand corner of your screen that will show how much time you've spent online that day. It pauses when there isn't any online activity--even if the window is still open--and I've found it to be very accurate. Accurate enough that it definitely motivates me to get off the Internet! And that is certainly saying something. Try it!

Is there a new area I have the time, energy and freedom to branch into learning?
In short, no. As I've already stated, things are going to have to be scaled back--not ramped up--right now. I will, however, be spending my reading time in some good books on loving and training my children well. Here are some on my list: The Shaping of a Christian Family, Hints on Child Training, Don't Make Me Count to Three, The Mission of Motherhood, Heartfelt Discipline, Shepherding a Child's Heart, and The Duties of Parents.

It's a pretty ambitious list, but I've already read several of them, so for some of them, it will be just skimming through a second time to refresh myself.

What is one habit that, if developed, would help me most in my role right now?
There are two habits that I have been working on for about two months now. I've seen some real progress, though I still have a long way to go.
1. Consistent, daily time with the Lord in His Word and in prayer.
2. Limiting my time online--my biggest time waster by far.

Once we had waded through these questions, we moved on to the compensation part. Well, not really. Although, if you're reading this, honey, I really do think a new digital camera would suit me just fine. Our going away weekend together will definitely be a special treat, though. And I think that the rewards I see in my children will also make this process very worthwhile.

So, that's it in a nutshell novel.

I wanted to share all of this for a couple of reasons. First of all, I wanted to keep it real. I wanted you to know that I really do try to actually do the things I write about. Furthermore, that, as my performance review clearly shows, I'm not anywhere near perfect. Secondly, I hoped it would encourage you to do this yourself.

After all, eternity is at stake when it comes to our families. Evaluation. It's still a good thing.

My Sweet Little Levi

Two years ago this past Saturday, a sweet little man named Levi joined our family. After a month of false labor starts and stops, he finally came into the world. We hadn't chosen a name beforehand, but the name Levi seemed especially appropriate after his seeming hesitance to leave the womb and join the world. You see, Levi means "attached". And attached he was.

Levi was a pretty contented baby until he developed an intolerance to dairy--even while I was nursing him. He also had a rough go with the first doctor who treated his clubfeet--incorrect castings left him in pain. Once we figured out these issues, we had our sweet Levi once again.

For the past two years, our little Levi has been the source of much laughter and delight. He loves to make us smile and laugh. He affectionately doles out kisses and hugs. He likes to show off with cries of, "Watch dis, Mama, watch dis!" This exclamation is usually followed by some crazy move that makes my heart jump into my throat.

He wants to do everything just like his big brother. Climb as high, run as fast, and so on.

He likes to pray. We have to hold hands when we pray. And he repeats our words in his little baby voice.

He's a bit dramatic. He makes lots of hand motions and faces when he talks. And he talks quite a bit. (Wonder where he gets that from?)

He loves his daddy. And he loves his "Taden". And I'm pretty sure he loves his mama, too. In short, Levi is a boy bursting with love. And I just love him to pieces back.

Today I'm so thankful that the Lord has given Keith and I the privilege and delight of being Levi's mama and daddy. What an amazing gift he is. May we be faithful, Lord, to teach him and love him as you would have us do!

For more thankful thoughts, please visit Heavenly Homemakers.

You're Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile

Image by kennymatic

Can you hear the tune?

Who cares what they're wearing
From Main Street to Saville Row,
It's what you wear from ear to ear
And not from head to toe
(That matters)

My toes are tapping now. (It's from the musical Annie for those of you who don't recognize it.)

I do, in fact, believe that it matters what you're wearing from head to toe. But if I had to choose between being a smiling woman who's still wearing her PJ's and a beautifully dressed woman who's angry, frowning, or has a generally unpleasant countenance...I'd go with the smiling PJ's girl.

Why is a simple smile so important?

1. It sets a tone for our homes.
The other day I talked about the difference beween home management and homemaking. I said that homemaking is the part of our job that encompasses creating beauty for our families. A smile is a beautiful way to start gracing your home with some beauty.

2. It brings encouragement to hearts.
Have you ever felt encouraged by a genuine smile from a friend? Has the smile of your child ever lifted your spirit? What about a gentle smile from your husband? Yes, smiles are powerful sources of encouragement. In fact, your own smile can lift your own spirit!
"A cheerful look brings joy to the heart." (Proverbs 15:30a)

3. It's good for you!
Apparently, smiling releases certain hormones and endorphins that relieve stress and make you feel better. The research shows it. But God didn't need our research to know this truth, did He?
"A cheerful heart is good medicine." (Proverbs 17:22a)

4. It's hard to frown when you're smiling.
When you actively pursue a cheerful attitude with a smile, it's a lot harder for a frown to creep onto your face. Purposeful smiling on "one of those days" can make all the difference in the world. Choose a smile.

5. It's the quickest, cheapest, best way to make yourself more attractive.
Have you ever caught yourself in the mirror while you were giving your sweet husband or darling children one of those looks? I have. It wasn't pretty. We've all seen women who were beautifully dressed, but whose countenance made them ugly. Let's not look like that!

Sometimes I have a day when I'm still wearing my PJ's and I'm frowning at everyone and everything. But I'm getting there. And I think that my family would agree that most days I smile more than I frown. Smiling definitely works for me. Try it!

Creating Memories with Traditions

Image by luchilu

Just a little while ago, I shared my job description with you. One of the lines of my job description reads: "To build a home that is a sanctuary for my family that reflects God's eternal characteristics of order, beauty, peace, love, harmony, diligence and faithfulness." I'd like to point out that when I think of home, I don't necessarily think so much of a specific geographic location, as a place in our hearts and minds.

Home. Connected to the relationships of our family. A "place" of rest, beauty, discovery.

When it comes to inspiration to fill one's life and family with a sense of beauty, Heidi at Mt. Hope Chronicles has it going on. If you've never been over to her place, hop on over to visit and be prepared to get inspired! Her blog is filled with beautiful photography (she's awesome!), wonderful literature, and beautiful home decorating. She's started a new weekly meme called Living Lovely with Family. The purpose is to be a gathering place for "ideas for making meaningful connections and memories with our families". The theme this week is yearly traditions.

I've only recently started thinking about the importance of my role as a memory builder. But I had decided to intentionally pursue regular yearly traditions to build memories for our family. So, I was excited when I saw Heidi's idea, and am thrilled to participate as well as gather ideas from other bloggers.

Our yearly traditions fit pretty well with the seasons. Some of these traditions are newly formed (read: we've only done them once so far!), but the plan is to do them annually now.

In the spring, our town has a month long festival to celebrate St. Patrick's Day. Yes. A whole month long! So, every year since I first met Keith, I've participated in the festivities here. The activities are endless, but we usually participate in the pancake supper, the parade, and the arts and crafts show. This year I got burnt to a crisp at the parade. Memorable indeed.

In the summer, you'll find us trying to take at least one trip to the beach--even if it's just a day trip. We only live a couple of hours from the beach, which is so wonderful. Waves. Sea shells. Sand in your swimsuit. Me getting burnt to a crisp. We love the beach!

Fall brings the state fair. (This is one of our newest traditions.) Oh, how we loved the state fair! A petting zoo, beautiful exhibits, a picnic, and Caden's first ride with Daddy. And me NOT getting burnt to a crisp. Instead, I froze my little tail off, and had to buy a ridiculously expensive sweatshirt from a vendor. I do seem to have weather problems, don't I?

Winter time. When it gets to be winter here in Georgia, I really, really miss the snow--especially for my boys' sake. I wish we could build memories sledding, making snowmen, and trekking through a snowy wood to find the perfect Christmas tree. Instead, we have another new tradition. We go to see a private home that is decorated with over a million Christmas lights! Entry is free--this family does this each year simply to bless their community with a bit of beauty. Plus, I didn't get burnt and I was dressed appropriately! Bingo. (I have to get it right sometimes.)

What are some of your favorite yearly traditions?

What Does Discipleship for Children Look Like?

Image by 'spud'

This week over at We Are That Family, it's backwards Works for Me Wednesday.

That means that instead of posting a useful tip to share, you present a problem that you need help with.

Now, why don't we do that every week?

I've got a whole lot more things that I need help figuring out than I have useful tips to share.

Actually, I love WFMW. So, perhaps everyone else could just continue to post their useful tips, and they could make an exception for me, who would always ask for help. Doesn't that sound like a plan?

I'd really like to know how to get the sticky spot off my sink where a label got stuck. How to exercise regularly in pregnancy when your sciatic nerve keeps acting up. How to kick eating sugar to the curb for good. How to get the darn wallpaper off my hallway walls. (It's so, so stuck on there. Sigh.) How to balance a spoon on my nose--I can roll my tongue, but this skill eludes me.

But there's a biggie that I've been struggling with lately. So, I'm pulling out the big guns. I'm laying it all out on the table with hopes that some of my regular readers or those who visit from WFMW can give me a little insight.

What in the world does it look like, practically speaking, to disciple a small child?

Note, I didn't say "discipline". I'm talking about the process of sharing the Gospel--teaching and training a child in the way he should go.

Those of you who have been reading regularly know that I'm a Christian. I see my main purpose in life as serving and loving the One who saved me, and my second to love, nurture and live the Gospel out to my family.

I get that I'm supposed to be teaching God's Word to my children. (Deuteronomy 6:4-9) I understand that I'm supposed to love my children--affection, kindness, gentleness, consistency. (Titus 2:4) I know that I'm responsible (along with my husband, Keith) to build character, habits and truth into these little ones.

What I don't really understand is exactly what that is supposed to look like in the day to day.

What sorts of things am I supposed to be doing specifically, to pursue these goals? They aren't going to happen by accident and I have a distinct feeling that each day needs to have more focus on the end goal we have in mind.

I'd love, love, love to have this be a back and forth discussion. If you'd like to subscribe to the comments, that would be so fabulous! That way, if someone has a further question (me!), we can carry on like a conversation.

If you're seeking to honor the Lord by discipling your children, I would deeply appreciate any help and insight you might have on the topic.

Brotherly Love

Image by macrophile

My two little guys are four and almost two. They bring so much delight to my husband and me. Parenting is hard work, but there are those moments. You know the moments I mean. The ones that make all the challenge, tears and struggle so worth it.

Recently, I was outside with my little guys. They were enjoying their swing set (a wonderful Christmas gift from the grandparents). They use the slide the most since neither has developed the ability to pump yet. (Caden, my four year old, wildly waves his legs alternately back and forth. Clearly, we've got a ways to go on this skill.)

Their slide skills, however, are highly developed. Oh, yes. They can go down the slide backwards, forwards, on their tummies, backs, and bottoms. They can climb up the slide. Levi can even run down the slide--well, that was sort of an accident, I guess.

As I was standing beside the slide supervising (something that felt necessary after the running down incident), Caden started climbing up. He was struggling a bit as he neared the top. At that moment, Levi, who was waiting above, held out his tiny, baby, dimpled hand and said, "Tum on, Taden!" Caden's slightly bigger hand grasped Levi's tiny one, and they both tumbled onto the landing at the top of the slide.

*Lump in throat and heart swelling with immeasurable joy.*

I'm so glad I didn't miss that moment. No question about it. I'm not missing out on the finer things in life.

By the way, don't forget to enter the Madeline-Marie apron giveaway if you haven't already! This is the last day of the giveaway!

Speaking of Managing Time from an Eternal Perspective. . .

Image by Capture Queen ™

There are two unhealthy extremes when it comes to managing our homes. We can ignore the daily responsibilities like dishes, laundry, food preparation, and so on. I've been there. Or, we can put too much focus on those things to the neglect of those who matter so much more. The people in our families. I've been there, too. Unfortunately, I'm a perfectionist and that lends itself to an all or nothing kind of attitude. God is working on me in that regard!

A few weeks ago, I received an e-mail update from one of my favorite ministries, Above Rubies. This poem was included and it speaks to the second tendency of mine. It spoke so loudly to me that I printed it out and pasted it on my cupboard door in the kitchen. I thought perhaps it would speak to you, too.

"I Love You, Johnny!"

I love you, Johnny, said mother one day,
I love you more than I can say,
Then she answered his questions with,
"Don't bother me now!"
And just didn't have time to show him how
To tie his truck to his tractor and plough,
But she washed her windows and scrubbed the floor
And baked and cooked and cleaned some more.

"Bring the boy next door in?" "Well, I should say not,
You'll mess up the floors and I don't want a spot."
"No, we don't have time for a story today,
Mother's too busy cooking, so run out and play,
Maybe tomorrow," she said with a sigh,
And Johnny went out almost ready to cry.

"I love you, Johnny," again she said,
As she washed his face and sent him to bed.
Now how do you think that Johnny guessed
Whether 'twas he or the house that she really loved best?

Let's not let their childhoods slip through our fingers while we overly busy ourselves with household tasks!

Wear that baby, baby!

Home management is challenging, but it's especially challenging when you have little ones. It's especially, especially challenging when your little one is fussy because he's teething. It's especially, especially, especially (oh, brother) challenging when your little one is fussy because he's teething and he is also trying to crawl inside the dishwasher as you are loading it.

Enter (playing circus music in the background here). . .the Ergo Baby Carrier! No doubt about it, this is one of my "can't do without" tools for mothering and home management.

There are certainly other carriers out there, but I've found my Ergo to be very comfortable--so much so, that I can wear Levi for hours at a time. I have even worn Caden a time or two recently, and he is three and weighs more than thirty pounds! You can't do that with a Snuggly. Here's a quote from the Ergo site:

The ERGObaby carrier’s ergonomic design supports a correct sitting position for the baby’s hip, pelvis and spine growth. It disperses most of the baby’s weight between the hips and thighs and helps prevent compression of the spine. The ERGObaby carrier also alleviates physical stress for the parent by balancing the baby’s weight to parents’ hips and shoulders.

I can do practically anything when I'm wearing Levi. I can vacuum, wash dishes, and play outside with Caden. It took some practice (and overcoming a little fear) to figure out how to get him on my back, but now it's second nature to toss him back there. He "rides" when we go to the library (how else do you wrangle the three year old and the seven thousand books you just checked out?), the grocery store, church dinners, doctor's appointments, the bank. . .you name it!

I'm a pretty frugal person and the Ergo isn't cheap by any means. New, an Ergo Baby Carrier will cost you almost one hundred dollars. However, you can find them used at places like Ebay or TheBabyWearer for less and I really do feel that it is worth the investment.

Baby wearing has several benefits, but one of the best things I've discovered about it is that it keeps my heart connected to the needs of my children. I have a tendency to be task oriented and to become frustrated with my "needy" children for "interrupting" me. Wearing a fussy, tired little one while I accomplish the work for the day keeps my heart in tune with them. With the use of this tool, I can choose to bring them in close and nurture them instead of shutting them out or treating them as a distraction--all while still completing some needed tasks.

All in all, I love my Ergo and highly recommend it.