Connect with Colleagues: It's a REAL Job! Series # 11

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If you're a homemaker, it can be easy to feel alone and isolated. No doubt, the work of home management and loving our families can be tough. Generally, a woman who is at home with her children and sees her position as home manager as a REAL job is a rarity these days.

The truth, however, is that you are not alone. There are indeed other women out there whose hearts are first and foremost with their families and homes--who strongly desire to live out the message of Titus 2 and Proverbs 31.

I'm here to say today that I highly recommend connecting with these "colleagues".

Why?

1. Fellowship
Women are made for friendship--in a way that is different from men. All humans are uniquely designed for relationship, but the friendships of women are special. We find great comfort and strength in our women friendships. Women can be tied together as sisters even though they didn't grow up in the same family.

2. Encouragement
As women, and definitely as homemakers, we need the encouragement of another woman who understands what we're going through. How many times have you been picked up by the compassion and care of a woman friend who spoke words of encouragement to you in a moment of need?

3. Motivation and challenge
We all go through times when we feel unmotivated. And we all go through times when we need someone to gently, but firmly point us toward truth and give us a push in the right direction. A friend who can do this is the dearest kind of friend of all. And someday, she'll probably need you to help her in the same way.

4. Accountability
When we set new goals, it makes a big difference to have someone to share those with and hold us accountable. Having someone who will "keep tabs" on you in a certain area is such a blessing.

5. Learning new things
Isn't it wonderful how God made each of us so unique? One of the beautiful things about relationships is that each person brings particular strengths to the table. I have friends who are naturally organized. I can learn a lot from someone like that. I also have friends whose gifts lie in their patience and wisdom with their children. I can also learn a lot from someone like that! You have something to offer to other women as well!

Who?

1. Someone who is in the trenches with you
A woman who is in the same season of life, can definitely be a source of encouragement. She knows exactly what you're talking about when you discuss the difficulties of training your children, balancing housework, and loving your husband. There are probably more women than you realize who are right where you are struggling to honor the Lord as wives, mothers, and homemakers.

2. Someone who has walked the path before you
Women who have "been there, done that" are such valuable resources! Titus 2 specifically points out that they are to be one of our main sources of "training" for our job. Not only can they offer encouragement, wisdom, knowledge and perspective, but they have lived to tell about it! Now, that says something, don't you think?

How?

1. Have some fun!
Friendships can be a wonderful way to relax, let down our hair, and just unwind. Sometimes it does us a world of good to simply have a chat and a cup of coffee with a good friend.

2. Pray for one another
Be intentional about praying for the needs in each other's lives. Pray for your marriages, for your children, for the struggles in your walk with Christ, and for your development and role as a home manager.

3. Spur each other on
Ask questions. Sometimes ask tough questions. As you dig deeper into each other's lives, it is appropriate to challenge each other and hold each other accountable like I mentioned earlier. Although not all of your friendships will have the same depth, I think we each need at least one friend who is willing to "dredge the deeps" of our hearts with us.

Where?

Maybe you're thinking, "Well, maybe you've been blessed with a wealth of these kind of women around you, but not me. I really am very alone."

You know what? God knows just what you need. He's made it clear in His Word, that His intention is for us to live as a body. To live in community with other believers as we encourage and spur one another on to good deeds. For older women to teach younger women.

So. I think I can boldly assert that we can ask God confidently to provide for our need for relationships with other godly women who will provide us with the training, encouragement and challenge we need as wives, mothers and homemakers.

I challenge you today--ask God to provide for this need. I'd love to know what He does for you in your life in this respect!

A Peek Inside My Heart: Performance Review Results

Image by Sukanto Debnath

So about that performance review.

Yeah.

So I did it.

And it was indeed both painful and encouraging. Just like I said it would probably be.

Today I'm going to invite you to walk with me through my performance review. A brief summary of it, anyway. Care to come in and have a cup of tea?

I do have a job description written--the tool that makes the performance review possible in the first place. If you'd like to read my job description, you can find it here. Having a job description made it pretty easy to walk through the process. Well, easy in the sense that I had clear direction for evaluation, anyway!

I did ask my husband to join me in the process. To be honest, I think it would have been a little painful and a little encouraging going through this on my own--having my husband be part of the process definitely made both of those feelings more intense. Still, it was incredibly valuable to get his insight and opinion. He can see some things more clearly than I can--both the positive and the negative.

Then we launched into the evaluation questions:

What am I doing well? What are my strengths? Is there a way my strengths could be utilized even better?
This part was easy. We both agreed that our house is a very different place to live in now. It's generally well ordered and peaceful. Laundry, dishes, dinner, etc, are all pretty well taken care of. We have had some "moments" here lately, but Keith pointed out that those are due mostly to our season--I'm at the end of pregnancy, feeling quite fatigued some days, and a little foggy in the memory department.

All in all, I'm doing very well with organizing, planning, and managing. And that says a lot, people!


What area(s) might need more attention? What are my weaknesses? How can these be strengthened?
Girls, this was the painful part. It was completely clear to me what my weakest area was. My children. The part in my job description where it says: "To train, love and nurture my children as God my Father does with me." This was definitely not getting the attention it needed.

Keith and I talked at length about the fact that the boys really need some serious focused attention right now. We have been blessed with the privilege and responsibility of raising one child who is God-designed with a very strong will. I've been feeling the need of late to make teaching, training and loving him and his brother the area that receives my biggest amount of energy and attention.

In fact, I have realized that for at least a season, I am going to need to make everything else in life almost as simple as possible, so that I can spend very, very focused attention on heart issues in my boys.

With the habits, routines, and structures we have in place, I feel that we will be held in good stead, as we scale back to the basics. For me, this is going to mean being an even better manager of my time. I'm going to have to use the time before my boys are up and after they are in bed very wisely. It will mean learning how to better include them in daily chores so that we work on things together, and I can more closely monitor heart attitudes and the actions that stem from those attitudes.

For my sweet little blog (and this is one of the hardest parts for me, I must admit), it will mean scaling back considerably as well. This blog has been so beneficial to me, because as I have written out my thoughts and what God has been graciously been teaching me, it has solidified those things in my heart and mind. It has spurred me on to excellence in many ways. I think it has also been an encouragement to others who have been in my shoes.

But it does take time to write, and my responsibility to train my children in righteousness is far more important eternally. So, for now, I'm going to be scaling back to writing twice a week and also including my Saturday links to share--though, even those posts may have fewer links, since collecting them does take time.

My hope is that with more focused attention on fewer posts, the quality will still be high and Heart(h) Management will continue to serve as an encouragement to others who are in the field of homemaking just like me.

Keith also pointed out that he felt we could use more time together. I heartily agree. I'm writing this ahead of time, but by the time this post publishes, we will have had our very first weekend away alone together since before children. Five years. Five years, people! This also means being more intentional about guarding our evenings together and seeking to get our littles in bed a bit earlier in order to have more time together in the evenings.

Is my job description truly adequate to give me direction, or does it need tweaking?
I'm happy to report that my job description served me well. I think it definitely covers what my priorities should be. It was certainly adequate to help me see the weaknesses that were present.

Is there a tool I could use that would help me significantly in my role?
I told Keith that I really felt like a new digital camera would really help me. I'm not sure he bought it. (Well, I know he didn't buy the camera, but I'm pretty sure even the idea didn't impress him much.)

However, one tool that has been helping me immensely of late is a little Firefox Add-On called TimeTracker. If you struggle with how much time you spend online like me, I highly recommend this little tool. Once you add it on, there will be a little clock in the lower right hand corner of your screen that will show how much time you've spent online that day. It pauses when there isn't any online activity--even if the window is still open--and I've found it to be very accurate. Accurate enough that it definitely motivates me to get off the Internet! And that is certainly saying something. Try it!

Is there a new area I have the time, energy and freedom to branch into learning?
In short, no. As I've already stated, things are going to have to be scaled back--not ramped up--right now. I will, however, be spending my reading time in some good books on loving and training my children well. Here are some on my list: The Shaping of a Christian Family, Hints on Child Training, Don't Make Me Count to Three, The Mission of Motherhood, Heartfelt Discipline, Shepherding a Child's Heart, and The Duties of Parents.

It's a pretty ambitious list, but I've already read several of them, so for some of them, it will be just skimming through a second time to refresh myself.

What is one habit that, if developed, would help me most in my role right now?
There are two habits that I have been working on for about two months now. I've seen some real progress, though I still have a long way to go.
1. Consistent, daily time with the Lord in His Word and in prayer.
2. Limiting my time online--my biggest time waster by far.

Once we had waded through these questions, we moved on to the compensation part. Well, not really. Although, if you're reading this, honey, I really do think a new digital camera would suit me just fine. Our going away weekend together will definitely be a special treat, though. And I think that the rewards I see in my children will also make this process very worthwhile.

So, that's it in a nutshell novel.

I wanted to share all of this for a couple of reasons. First of all, I wanted to keep it real. I wanted you to know that I really do try to actually do the things I write about. Furthermore, that, as my performance review clearly shows, I'm not anywhere near perfect. Secondly, I hoped it would encourage you to do this yourself.

After all, eternity is at stake when it comes to our families. Evaluation. It's still a good thing.

The Performance Review: It's a REAL Job! Series #10

Image by Paul Worthington

If you've ever been employed in the "real world" you are probably familiar with the performance review process. That dreaded time of year (in my experience it was annual) when you sit down with your boss and get evaluated. Ugh. How completely unpleasant!

Well, I'm here to say that it seems to me that the homemaker could benefit from a periodic performance review. But, unlike other performance reviews, this doesn't have to be an unpleasant experience!

Evaluation is always valuable--and how much more for the woman whose job is so connected to eternity?

You can set goals all day long. You can have a clear job description. You can plan and organize till the cows come home. But if you don't use the tool of evaluation, how will you know if you are ever truly accomplishing what you set out to do in the first place?

Evaluation. It's a good thing.

Here are my ideas for my next performance review:

1. Do one every 6 months.
Yearly seems too infrequently to me when eternity is at stake. Really. I don't say that flippantly. I truly believe that our role, especially as mothers, is of great eternal significance.

2. Have a clear job description already in place.
If you haven't written a clear job description already, there isn't really anything concrete to evaluate, now is there? So, if you haven't done this yet, sit down and write one for yourself.

3. Make your husband part of the performance review.
OK, so this part might be a little bit painful. Or it might be so deeply encouraging, you want to do a performance review again next week! But the two of you are a team, and in my opinion, Scripture makes it pretty clear that he's the head of your home. So, his input should be very valuable to us as homemakers.

4. Using your job description as a your guide, ask yourself and your husband the following questions:

• What am I doing well? What are my strengths? Is there a way my strengths could be utilized even better?
  
• What area(s) might need more attention? What are my weaknesses? How can these be strengthened?
• Is my job description truly adequate to give me direction, or does it need tweaking?
• Is there a tool I could use that would help me significantly in my role?
  
• Is there a new area I have the time, energy and freedom to branch into learning?
• What is one habit that, if developed, would help me most in my role right now?

5. Finally, review appropriate compensation.
What's that? Oh. You don't get paid? So sorry. Wait. Come to think of it, neither do I. At least not in earthly treasure. But I hope I'm building precious metals and stones in eternity. However, I bet you could talk your husband into a special treat--a back rub, some dark chocolate, or dinner for the two of you. Celebrate! Even if your performance review turns up some areas that need attention, that's a good thing. You're being intentional about your role, and that's really something!

I'm pretty sure I have the need of a performance review coming up. Anyone else want to take the plunge with me?

The Power of Habit--It's a REAL Job! Series #9

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Whew. This past week was one of those weeks. In fact, as I type this post, our family is having one of those days. Ugh. Days when all the planning falls apart, we all feel cranky, and disaster waits around my every turn. (Levi, could you please stop dropping every single alphabet cookie cutter on the floor? Do you know there are 26 letters in the alphabet? That means 26 cookie cutters...)

This is so completely not surprising to me. I've shared with you before that most of my life I've lived in chaos. So, when our family hits a bumpy spot in the road, it's quite easy to see the chaos return. It's been my default mode for so long, I think it feels like the path of least resistance. Although, ultimately, you know...it's not.

But something that has been so encouraging to me over the past year is seeing that when we get derailed as a family and things feel crazy again, the time it takes to recover seems to be getting shorter and shorter!

Want to know why? God has been helping me build a new default mode. He's been graciously teaching me new habits.

Habit: An acquired behavior pattern regularly followed until it has become almost involuntary.

When you build the power of habit into your life, you've got a, well, powerful tool working for you. It used to take me an incredible amount of mental and physical energy to complete laundry, dishes and dinner each day. But because I've been training myself in small habits to get these items done every day, I've amazingly found them easier to do! AND I feel like I have more time for other things as well. I don't really have more time in my day, but since these tasks have begun to be second nature to me, it feels as though I do.

It also doesn't take me as long to recognize when we've gotten off track--where before we might have lived in chaos that grew increasingly worse with passing weeks, now it might only be a day, a few days, or a week at most.

Have you ever heard of Charlotte Mason? If not (and especially if you're a homeschooling parent), you should read up on her. She was completely brilliant in my opinion. She often likened habits to rails. The things we ride upon to get us through life. Here is one of the many things she had to say about habit:

Each of us has in his possession an exceedingly good servant or a very bad master, known as Habit. The heedless, listless person is a servant of habit; the useful, alert person is the master of a valuable habit.

In short, we are all people of habit. The only difference is what habits we've chosen to develop. Let me tell you--if I can begin to learn new habits after being a servant to bad habits, anyone can!

Habits. I now have a set of rails that, for the most part, guide our family through life smoothly most days. Every once in a while we do get derailed. Things get crazy, chaos seems to be reigning again. But when a train gets derailed, the tracks are still there. It can take some extra effort and energy to get back on the tracks--but certainly not the same kind of energy it would take to build an entirely new set of rails!

Once you've got the momentum of habit working for you, it's a beautiful thing. So, try it! What is one new, small habit you can start building today? By His grace, anyone can learn to run on a new set of rails. If He can do such a thing in my life, I believe He can do it in yours, too.

5 Ways to Improve and Expand Your Skills: It's a REAL Job! Series #8

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I remember one day a few years ago, I was at my mother-in-law's house. Sitting on her desk was a flyer for an upcoming training seminar she was required to attend. "Learn How to Communicate With Tact and Finesse". Interesting. My mother-in-law is a pretty darn good communicator and I'm confident she didn't need this class, but one of the things most employees can expect over the course of a job is required training.

Generally speaking, employers don't want their employees to stay at the same level of competence and skill forever. They expect to see growth!

Here's my question for you today: Are you growing in skill and competence as a homemaker?

Girls, we are definitely all at different places as homemakers. Different seasons of life, different circumstances, different levels of skill. But one thing is the same for all of us. There is always room for growth! That growth will look different for the baby stepping beginner than for the seasoned homemaker. But there is always, always somewhere to go with this job! (I figure this will either excite you or intimidate you. Let it excite you!)

Here are five ways you can become a better home manager no matter what stage or season you're in:

1. Know God's Word better.
The riches of His Word--you can delve into them till you're 93 and still have more to learn! He will always teach us more. More about Himself. More about ourselves. More about our world. More about His kingdom. As we grow in knowledge of God's Word, we'll become more like Him. As a result, our homes will reflect His character and glory more and more.

Oh, Lord! Make me a woman of Your Word!!

2. Fine tune your strengths.
Sweet sister, God has made you in a special and unique way. You have talents and strengths He's given just to you to be used for His own glory. Maybe your strength is in your heart (creativity, affection, nurture), or maybe your strength is your spine (organization, order, steadiness). Whatever God has given to you, what could you do to fine tune it? Even in our strengths, there is always room for more growth and godliness.

3. Boost your weak areas.
I don't know about you, but it's a lot easier for me to think of my weaknesses than my strengths. Let's see. Inconsistency. Lack of discipline. Pride. Believe me--there is plenty of material to work on in my life. With God's help, I've been trying to focus on small areas of change in positive ways. In the past, I would decide (in my own strength) to just change completely all at once. You can probably guess how well that went. Yeah. So, spend some time asking God what He wants to focus on and where He wants you to start.

And may I remind you--weakness can be a very good thing. (I don't mean sinful rebellion can be a good thing, by the way.) But acknowledging our weaknesses sends us to the feet of our Savior. It forces us to rely on Him--and that's they way it should be.

4. Branch into a new area.
Is there a new skill you'd like to learn? Would you like to learn how to sew, cook, upholster, paint, write, organize, plan, garden, use medicinal herbs, decorate... There is no end to the things a homemaker can learn about! If you're anything like me, this may be an area in which you need to exercise caution. It's easy for an information gatherer like myself to spend an inordinate amount of time flitting from one new idea to the next. But if it's controlled and well-managed, learning a new skill can be fun and functional!

5. Get training from good sources.
In my Embrace the Process post, I mentioned some good sources for training. The best place to find good training is from a woman who's gone before you. This is the way God designed training to work! On the whole, we women aren't doing a very good job of teaching the next generation and it can be hard to find a mentor. Ask God to provide you with a woman who can give you instruction, insight and encouragement. He knows what you need and will provide it.

There are also plenty of excellent books for learning more about homemaking as well as some top notch blogs on the subject. A word of caution again! (Coming from this total information junkie!) It's easy to waste time on books and definitely on the internet. Don't let these things steal you away from your responsibilities! (As I wag my finger at my very own self.)

I'd love to hear from you! In what ways are you improving and expanding your skills?

A Peek Inside My Heart--It's a REAL Job! Series #7

Image by @Maco

Today for the It's a REAL Job! Series I'd like to do something a little different. I'd like to invite you to step back in time with me to the point in my life when I was realizing for the first time a little bit of what it really meant to give my all to being a keeper of my home.

The following is a journal entry I made almost exactly a year ago. It's written as a prayer.

Dear Father,

So, You've been teaching me some new things recently. And I feel like I don't even know quite where to begin to synthesize it all. I feel like my eyes are being opened a little bit.

I'm seeing my life as it really is--or at least moreso than I have before. I'm seeing the pride, the sloppiness, the mediocrity, the laziness, the selfishness...and more. There's more? Oh, yes. Unfortunately.

I feel as though I'm beginning to understand that life doesn't have to be this way. Indeed, perhaps it shouldn't be. Perhaps I've been believing a lie--a lie perpetuated by modern day culture and the Father of Lies himself.

The lie: Striving for anything more than the status quo is trying to be "Superwoman".

And, of course, we all know that Superwoman isn't real. But. Why have we elevated character, consistency, follow-through, diligence, faithfulness, and just plain hard work to Superwoman status?

These are all qualities You have called us to--and You don't call us to an imaginary, unrealistic standard.

So, why is it that I've believed for so long that women who do things like rise early, keep an orderly home, are generally well-prepared for routine life, homeschool, love their husbands, seek to grow in the Lord, train and love their children either:

a) Don't truly exist
b) Are not really genuine--in other words, they lie about who they are, so...
c) Again, this woman doesn't really exist

I never said it in so many words to myself, but actions confirm belief more than words. And my actions have confirmed my belief that all I could truly expect in my life as a wife and mother was sloppy mediocrity. And doesn't our society encourage the image of the harried mother? Pulled in fifteen directions at once? Isn't a mother supposed to be under quite a lot of stress and, really, aren't we asking too much of ourselves as mothers--pushing ourselves too hard; stressing too much if we're trying to have an orderly home, for instance?

After all, it's the people in our home who need attention most--not the toilets.

I'm not so sure.

All of a sudden, I'm seeing things in a new way. I see valuable truth mixed in with deception--but, after all--isn't that one of the enemy's most brilliant tools?

Yes! People are most important. Of course they are. But, in fact, I'm seeing now that I can do the people in my home--my husband and children--a great disservice by pretending to focus on them and not the "toilets". ("Toilets" being merely representative of all work that can feel like drudgery.)

First of all, I’m communicating to them that I don’t care enough about them to give them “clean toilets” (remembering that this represents far more than just the toilet).

Secondly, isn’t it better for everyone—but how much more so for little children—to be in an environment that is calm, peaceful, beautiful, and orderly (all things that can result—at least in part—from “clean toilets”)? Don’t I take care of the people in my home best by attending to their need for “clean toilets” as well as their need for, say, affection or mental stimulation?

Third, I’m modeling an attitude, value, or belief in all that I do. My children are learning from everything I do, say, think (because it shows up in my actions), or what I don’t do. Don’t I want to see my children become men of diligence, thoroughness, commitment, and faithfulness in the little things? Don’t I want them to know the value of hard work and to do it with a willing heart? Don’t I want them to stretch their limits and press for excellence in their lives instead of settling for mediocrity?

How in the world do I expect to see these things take hold in their hearts if from their earliest years they have learned, by watching my model, habits of half-way-ness, just-enough-ness, when-I-feel-like-it-ness, and good intentions but no follow-through-ness? I’m fooling myself if I think that what they experience in daily life and observe in me as they are little children has little effect on them. Indeed, the little habits they observe and experience now are soon incorporated into their own young lives and will not be easily culled out later. They won’t hit the magical mark of 25 and find themselves mysteriously transformed into men of excellence as I look on and remark with a contented sigh, “They’re just as I dreamed they would be—it’s all a mother could hope for!” How ridiculous!

I’m tempted to say that this early training in habit does not only have little effect, but that it is, in fact, nearly everything to the development of who they will be as men. This leans, perhaps, too heavily on man’s influence and I don’t want to forget that You, Father, are the utmost influence or ‘variable' if you will on a person’s life. For, certainly, You have raised up godly men of excellence who came out of some of the worst early experiences wherein they must have observed and learned poor habits. But, I daresay, that they are the exception rather than the rule.

Finally, coming back to the thought that the idea of “people over toilets” is a kind of deception, let me say that not only do I believe it to be a deception, but a distraction. Am I focusing so much on my pious “people over toilets” dogma that I don’t realize I’m not even caring for the people in the ways which I have sanctimoniously declared to actually matter (time and attention, for instance)?

Really, the purpose of my "people over toilets" dogma is to allow me to avoid things like hard work, unpleasant tasks, and so on. My focus is on what I don’t want to do with a veneer of “people caring”.

But since my focus is on the avoidance, the people are actually getting overlooked! I’m whiling away my hours (and hours are adding up to my life doing meaningless things. For instance, my face is glued to a computer screen (this is my biggest time waster) while my children are left. . .to themselves.

This is what deception is—it always looks good—attractive and noble even—on the surface. But underneath lies the ugly reality.

No more. No more! God! Help me. Help me to see clearly with the veil of deception lifted. To work heartily as unto You and to do my work with all my might—actually, with all Your power that so mightily works in me. Mediocrity is not what you have called me to. Excellence is.

Getting Motivated--It's a REAL Job! Series #6

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Homemaking. It is a real job.

So far in this series we've talked about:

• Creating a Job Description
• Dressing for Success
• Embracing the Process
• The Difference Between Homemaking and Home Management
• Developing the Skill of Planning

We've covered a lot of ground, and I don't know about you, but I've found it pretty encouraging to write out all of these thoughts and share them with you.

But what about when you hit one of those days? If you're a home manager, you don't need an explanation. You know exactly what I'm talking about. One of those days when you're completely dragging, everything feels like a chore, and you just feel like escaping. You have zero motivation.

Sometimes it isn't just a day or a few days strung together. It's a season. A season that doesn't seem as though it will ever pass.

What to do then?

You don't have a boss. No one is going to fire you. There's no paycheck waiting for you at the end of the week. You're home with only your children to observe you. What is there to push you to do your job properly--the way you know it should be done?

Here are some ideas (from the heart of someone who has struggled big time with this) on how to handle these days and seasons:

1. Remember that, actually, you do have a boss (and, in a sense, a paycheck).
He's not sitting in the office down the hall, either. If you are a Christian, your life should be mainly about living to serve Jesus Christ. Honoring and glorifying Him in all you do. He's the one who has entrusted your home and family to your care. Colossians 3:23,24 says, "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."

2. Ask your husband to hold you accountable.
The two of you are a team! Work together on your job description and ask him to gently hold you accountable for the things you've agreed are your responsibilities.

3. Ask a friend to hold you accountable.
If your husband's anything like mine...he doesn't scare you much. Let me clarify--I don't mean that our husbands should scare us! But while my husband is strong and manly, he's also very kind-hearted and gentle. He's always very gentle with me--even when I really need a kick in the pants. So, the thought of him holding me accountable doesn't push me as much as it should--just the honest truth. For me, asking a friend to check in on me does a lot more to motivate me. So, I have a few dear friends who I "check in" with for various areas of my life.

4. Make it into a game.
One of the things I love about Flylady is how she is always making something into a little game. Things like her 5 minute room rescue, 15 minutes of decluttering, 27 fling boogie, fridge boogie and car boogie really float my boat. (For descriptions of some of these, click here.) I know everyone is different, but if things like this get you moving, go on and have fun with it! Set your timer and play!

5. Reevaluate.
Ask yourself why you might be feeling unmotivated. Perhaps you just need a quick break. Some quiet time with the Lord away from everyone. Or a trip to a coffee shop with a dear friend while your sweet husband stays with your children. Or. Perhaps you're doing too much. In the job description post and the planning post, I mentioned that we should only be pursuing the things God is calling us to do. Do you have things on your to-do list that He never asked you to put on there?

6. Pursue excellence while living under grace.
God wants us to pursue excellence. To do all for His glory as we serve Him and not men. He also wants us to remember to rely on Him completely. John 15:5 says, "I am the vine, you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."

Another jewel about grace is found in II Corinthians 12:9--"But he said to me. 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Amen and Amen!

In the weeks leading up to this post, I came across two great posts about motivation that also might prove helpful to you:
Question of the Day: How Do You Handle Lack of Motivation? @ Organizing Your Way (Be sure to read the comments--that's where some good tips are.)
Tune-Up Tuesday: Down Days--Where to Focus? @ Beautiful Calling

So, what about you? Do you struggle with feeling motivated? What ways have you found helpful in overcoming that lack of motivation?

Developing the "Think Ahead" Skill--It's a REAL Job! Series #5

Image by Hey Paul

As I've mentioned before, I'm not naturally organized. Naturally, I'm a last minute kinda girl. A Procrastinator of the Highest Order. A half-way, half-hearted, "let's hope this just works out" sort of woman.

But as I found--especially when I got married and even more with each child added to our family--this approach simply doesn't work long-term. The fact of the matter is that in order to be a successful manager of any kind, one needs to develop planning skills.

Generally speaking, highly successful CEO's do not run highly successful organizations flying by the seat of their pants. They just don't.

As home managers, we too must realize that in order to operate our homes successfully we must become planners. No matter how it goes against our grain or stretches our capabilities, it's simply a skill we must obtain.

There is so much that could be said about the art and science of planning, but I'd say it's primarily about developing a "think-ahead" mindset.

Since this blog is written from the heart of someone who had no clue, I'm going to gear this post to someone like myself. For those of you who were planning your life from inside the womb--just read along for fun, OK?

So. Let's start with the basics. For the totally uninitiated.

1. Write your job description.

If you haven't done this already, here is a post about the hows and whys of writing your job description. A job description answers the questions "What am I here for?" "What are my priorities?" "What is God asking me to do with my time?" This valuable tool will act as your planning filter as you break down your time into weeks, days, and hours. Anything that isn't part of your job description doesn't need to be on your plan.

2. Have a WEEKLY planning session.

Set aside the same 30 minutes each week for a planning session. It might take you more than 30 minutes at first, but once you get the knack it won't take so long.

Here are the basics to cover during your weekly planning session:

• What will we eat? For ten good reasons not to plan a menu, read here.
• Where do we need to go? (Errands, appointments, playdates, etc.)
• What do I need to do? These are definitely items you need to make sure line up with your job description. Be reasonable about what you think you can accomplish in one week. Then cut it down. Those of us who don't have a clue are notorious for underestimating how long things are going to take.
  

Now take all these things and divide them up into your next six days. Leave one day pretty much free. God instituted a day of rest for a good reason!

3. Have a DAILY planning session.

This is where the rubber really meets the road for us totally clueless planners. Without a daily check-in to fine-tune our plans, we probably won't be very effective. The daily planning session should be about 15 minutes long, max. It's purpose is to reacquaint you with your plan for the day, and to give you the opportunity to reevaluate your plan. You might realize once you reach Wednesday that the plan you made last Saturday is no longer adequate. Perhaps you had a sick child, or you overplanned, or something else came up. This is the time to tweak.

Here are the basics to cover during your daily planning session:

• Note what you're making for dinner. Do you need to put prep steps into your day?
  
• Remind yourself of appointments. What time do you need to leave the house and what do you need to take?
  
• Note which items on your list are your priorities with circles or stars or whatever works for you. As your day goes on, if you need further tweaking, you will remember to focus on the things that matter most.
  
• Sort your tasks and appointments into loose time slots. It works best for me to be pretty flexible here. I decide what I'll do in the morning and in the afternoon, but I don't have fifteen minute time slots.
  

Here are some additional resources I recommend for planning:

• The Homeschool Mom's weekly planner and menu planning sheet (One of the sheets I currently use for my weekly planning session.)
• Simple Mom's Daily Docket (I use this currently for my daily planning.)
• Graceworks Purpose Planners (I'm actually in the process of switching some of my planning sheets over to this beautiful system. It's more expensive, but so beautiful!)
  
• Shopping for Time (I highly, highly recommend this book as a more thorough introduction to planning and time management. What I love about it is that it's focused on God's plans for you and how the Gospel should be part of your planning.)

I'm tellin' ya, girls--if you aren't a planner already, these things will revolutionize your life! I know they did mine. Developing a "think-ahead" mindset has definitely worked for me.

The Anatomy of a Chief Home Officer--It's a REAL Job! Series #4

Image by ayumina

So, perhaps you've noticed. Have you? I mean, have you noticed the fact that it's common for me to mention home management and homemaking in the same sentence? Are you thinking I really need to work on my writing skills, and, for Pete's sake, stop being so redundant?!

Well. I'm here to tell you that, of course, naturally there's a reason I use both of those terms at the same time. Naturally. Because everything I do is thought out and orderly. (Ahem.)

But, really, this time there is indeed a reason for the seeming redundancy.

I see these two terms as being descriptive of the two sides of my role--separate but complementary pieces. Think of the CHO (chief home officer) as having a spine and a heart. The CHO needs each of these to be successful. You can't really have one without the other and each part needs special attention.

Are you following?

Let me explain some more.

When I think of home management, I'm thinking of the spine of the chief home officer.

The home manager is all about making the home a place of order. The home manager is resourceful, enterprising, organized, and prepared. She sets goals. She evaluates. She's in charge of making things run smoothly. She holds things together--hence the anatomy term spine.

The Proverbs 31 woman is our model for home management in Scripture:

She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night...When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet...She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come...She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
--From Proverbs 31

When I think of homemaking, I'm thinking of the heart of the chief home officer.

The homemaker is all about making the home a place of beauty. She's the nurturer. The one whose gentleness and care make her family feel secure. She brings creativity to the home. She creates an atmosphere of peace. She knows that she is the one who sets the tone for her home and family. She is the heart of her family.

Here's some examples for the homemaker in Scripture:

Then [the older women] can teach the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.
--Titus 2:4,5

He makes the barren woman abide in the house as a joyful mother of children. Praise the LORD!
--Psalm 113:9

Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.
--Proverbs 21:19

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.
--I Peter 3:3,4

We really don't want to be spineless hearts. Our nurture and care is important, but our homes and families need order, too.

And we most definitely don't want to be heartless spines. Ouch. Taskmasters who never smile. No good.

I find that at different times, a particular piece of my anatomy becomes unhealthy and needs attention. Sometimes the order falls apart. And sometimes the beauty and grace need a comeback.

Today, evaluate which of these needs a little attention. Your heart or your spine. Ask the Lord to help you honor him with each piece of your chief home officer anatomy!

Embracing the Process--It's a REAL Job! Series #3

Image by Randy Son of Robert

Admittedly, I don't know much about the military. However, I've seen enough movies to be able to call to mind the image of a long time marine. He's disciplined, orderly, and tough. He approaches his duties with focus. He knows exactly what is expected of him and carries it out to the letter. His military career cannot be separated from his personal life. It affects his relationships with his wife and children. He even folds his t-shirts a certain way. He IS the marines.

Can you picture him with me?

But was he always like this? At one time, not so many years ago, he entered training. To begin with, he had no idea what he was doing. They taught him how to stand like a marine, how to respond to someone of a higher rank, how to do a thousand push ups, and how to make his bed like a marine. He got yelled at. A lot. It took time and effort to come to the place where he represented the marines in every aspect of his life.

Likewise (and contrary to popular belief), homemaking is a job that requires training and skill. No one is born a good homemaker or home manager. Sure, some are more naturally gifted organizers or planners. Some have a knack for creative endeavors. Some gravitate to home more easily than others. But none of these things makes a woman an excellent homemaker.

Becoming a skilled homemaker is a process. It is so easy to become discouraged with our efforts. To look at our home and family and feel that we are failing at our jobs. Don't let discouragement rule you! The truth is that most of us came into our roles with a serious lack of training to begin with. I know I did. I didn't really have any idea what it meant to run a home well or how to create a sanctuary for the ones I loved. I am still learning every day.

Can I just say this? It's OK. It's OK that you're still getting there. It's OK that you will never "arrive" at perfection. Our Lord doesn't ask us for perfection. He asks us for obedience. I love what Flylady has to say on this topic: "Jump in where you are!"

To use some Southern speak, I think it's mighty freein' to acknowledge that homemaking, just like any other job, takes time to learn.

Here are a few tips to help you along the process:

1. Seek instruction.
Do you have a friend who seems to have more skill in homemaking than you? An older woman who can share some wisdom? Why not ask her to share her insight with you? God already designed training to happen this way--unfortunately, many of us have just lost sight of it. There are also many wonderful books, articles and blogs written by women on the topics of home organization, beautifying your home, loving your husband and children and so on. Some of my favorite books are Houseworks, Feminine Appeal, and The Hidden Art of Homemaking. You can find some of my favorite blogs on the subject in my "Links" section.

2. Persevere and push yourself beyond your limits.
Homemaking is hard work. Sometimes I feel like I'm not getting much of anywhere in "the process". This is when I have to remember, "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." (Galatians 6:9) I also need to remember not to become satisfied with the status quo. There is always something more to learn, something new to improve. Push yourself a little from time to time!

3. Periodically look back to see how far God has brought you.
What a blessing it has been to look back and realize what a work God has done in my life! Wow. I do have a long, long way to go and so very much to learn, but the things He has taught me about managing my home and loving my family. . .well, my current life just doesn't much resemble the life of my twenty-two year old newlywed self. Praise Him!

I have compared the process of homemaking to the process of becoming a marine--hard work and training that results in a role performed by a skilled individual. Can I point out one huge difference?

We don't have a drill sergeant!

Instead, we have a gracious and patient God who is leading and teaching us. Look to Him as you pursue the process.

Dress for Success and a Giveaway--It's a REAL Job! Series #2

It's Monday morning and Jacob Eldridge pulls into his parking place at Carolina Place, Ltd. He reaches over to the passenger seat, grabs his briefcase, and then makes a quick dash inside the glass building. He's the CEO of this impressive place, and he's got an important meeting with prospective clients this morning.

His secretary Ellen hands him his schedule for the day without looking up. She lifts her head just in time to see him disappear into the conference room. Her jaw drops.

A group of men and women are chatting quietly as they wait for the big man to arrive. They hear the doorknob click and look up with anticipation. Eyebrows rise and more mouths hang open. Someone lets out a nervous chuckle. Is this some sort of joke?

Jacob Eldridge, CEO, had arrived for work in his pajamas.

While most of us would never consider showing up to an important business meeting in our PJ's, a sweat suit from high school, or the grungiest items in our closet, how many of us home managers have worn those things for most of the day on a regular basis?

I know I have.

I really think that one of the best things we can do as we pursue taking our jobs as home managers more seriously is to begin to dress well for our job.

Why? Why does it really matter what we wear in the comfort and privacy of our homes? Who really cares whether we get out of our jammies or not?

Here are two good reasons to get dressed properly for your job as home manager:

1. It has a positive effect on your motivation and effectiveness.
There are quite a few things I love about Flylady. There are also quite a few things about Flylady that don't work for me. But I think she's definitely on to something with her shoe kick. Except for the shoe part. (Call me a rebel, but I refuse to wear lace up shoes everyday.) Her argument, though, is that we feel better about ourselves when we get dressed. And that when we feel more pulled together we act more pulled together.

2. It blesses your family--especially your husband.
Though many of us won't take the time to dress nicely for a day at home, most of us don't want to be seen in public in our sleepwear with no makeup and greasy hair. When we're going out, we tend to perk ourselves up a bit, right? But are the random strangers in the world really that much more important to you than the people you hold nearest and dearest--your children and husband? Don't they deserve to see your pretty side, too?

Getting dressed, fixing our hair and faces--these all speak love to our family members. Especially your husband. I can almost guarantee that your husband will feel at least a small delight to come home to a woman who is dressed nicely, smells approachable, and whose hair is combed. Especially if he's been greeted by the opposite for quite some time.

So, what does this really mean? What does it look like to dress well for the job of home management?

1. Beauty
As women, let's embrace our femininity by being girls! Dress in clothing that flatters, fits well, pleases your sense of style, and expresses your personality. Getting dressed can be a creative outlet as well as something that gives you and your husband pleasure. Maybe you're saying, "But I don't have anything beautiful that fits me, and I sure don't have any money to buy a new wardrobe!" Be resourceful. Set aside a little bit of money and head to the thrift store--you can find some beautiful clothes for next to nothing there. No excuses!

2. Function
So, does dressing beautifully mean pulling out the pearls? Um, probably not. Personally, my two year old would rip those off my neck before the day was over. As home managers, we do a lot of moving. Bending, stretching, chasing wayward toddlers. Our clothes should be comfortable and suited to our tasks. Beauty and function don't have to be mutually exclusive, though.

This is where an amazing apron can come in. Aprons are so in, if you didn't know. They're coming back with a vengeance and there are some seriously cute ones out there. There are aprons made for every style and personality. They're the perfect blend of function and beauty, in my opinion.

Now for the fun part!

The lovely ladies at Marie-Madeline Studio have generously agreed to give away one of their beautiful aprons to one blessed winner! These aprons are just what I was thinking of when I mentioned the blend of beauty and function. I love, love, love their aprons! The best part is that the winner gets to choose not only the style of apron they prefer, but the fabric as well!

Here are the guidelines if you want to enter this giveaway:

1. Head over to Marie-Madeline Studio and decide which style of apron and fabric you would like, and post a comment with your selection. Only one comment per person, please.

2. For a second entry, subscribe to my feed! There will be a secret code in the footer of the post in your feed reader or inbox that won't show up on the site itself. Email the code to me at hearthmanagement (at) gmail (dot) com. Put the quote in the subject line--I won't actually read the email! For those of you who are wondering what it means to subscribe, here's a quick explanation. Please don't comment to let me know--I'll get your email.

3. For a third entry, post about and link to the giveaway post. Email me with your link in the subject line (for some reason my pingbacks aren't working right now). Please don't comment to let me know--I'll get your email.

The giveaway is open to US and Canada residents. The giveaway will be open all week long and will end Friday, March 27th at midnight. The winner will be announced on Saturday the 28th and will be notified by email. Please be sure that I have a way of contacting you. (Either a valid email address in your profile, a link to your website, or your email address included in your comment.)

Have fun!

Image by Playingwithbrushes

My Job Description

Here it is. The moment you've all been waiting for with bated breath.

The moment I share my job description.

(Ha!)

Here goes:

Brianna's Job Description

Title: Home manager and homemaker of the Keith Preston household

Responsibilities in order of importance and focus:

1. To serve the Lord wholeheartedly and to live with a focus on His eternal kingdom purposes.
2. To love and serve my husband by seeking to be his helper, meet his needs and be his best friend.
3. To train, love and nurture my children as God my Father does with me.
4. To build a home that is a sanctuary for my family that reflects God's eternal characteristics of order, beauty, peace, love, harmony, diligence and faithfulness.
5. To watch over my home by a) planning for the future, b) managing our finances, and c) taking care of our health with nourishing food and preventative measures.
6. To minister to those God places in my path using my home as my launchpad for service.

And there you have it! You can sleep well tonight. Please join me again next Monday as I continue the It's a REAL Job! Series.

So, what about you? What's on your job description?

Create a Job Description--It's a REAL Job! Series #1

Image by sergis blog

Something that every good employee and employer can benefit from is a job description. A job description clearly outlines the responsibilities of the worker and can be used as a helpful evaluation tool. A job description can help eliminate confusion, distractions and inefficiencies.

So, why not a job description for us--home managers? As home managers, we can be especially prone to distractions--can I get a witness? It's so easy for us to use our time on all sorts of things--but are they the things we should really be doing?

As I mentioned in my post about managing time from an eternal perspective, there are many good things we can be doing, but are they the things God has asked us to do? A job description can help filter the good from the best! And, boy, could I use that kind of help!

Every home manager's job description will look a little different. Each home is different and each family is different. You may be in a different life season from me. But I think there are some basic steps we can each use for the development of our own personal job descriptions.

Here's what I came up with when I was thinking of going about this process for myself:

Seek out the wisdom of your Heavenly Father

Not only does our Father know us and our families best, but the creation of the role of home manager was His idea! Start with prayer. Ask Him for His help and wisdom with this exercise. Then seek out what He's already said on the topic! There are a few key passages that have informed my thinking about my job description--namely, Titus 2 and Proverbs 31. Go to His Word and write down all that you can find about what your responsibilities should be as a godly woman.

I want to point out here that I don't believe the Lord is going to ask every woman to do everything the woman in Proverbs 31 was doing! There are some things I think are pretty black and white in Scripture concerning the responsibilities of a wife and mother. Then there are other things that require you to sit very quietly and still to hear from the Lord. "Do you want me to teach that Bible study class?" "What about this home business opportunity?" He might say yes to one woman, but no to another. Listen in humility.

Ask your husband

I think that Genesis 2 makes it pretty clear that as wives, we are to be our husband's helper. What is important to your husband? What does he need you to be doing? What does he prefer you to be doing? Maybe home cooked breakfasts are really high on his wish list. Maybe he wishes you'd spend more time watching football with him instead of cleaning. Maybe he's frustrated that he never has clean socks. (Ahem. I've been there.) Let him know that you value his input in forming your job description. He might not have a whole lot to say on the topic, but you also might be surprised that he's delighted you asked and has a lot to say about it. This part might be pretty hard. Again, listen in humility.

Consider your present life season

Maybe you are the mother of young children, like me. Or perhaps you're a homeschooling mother with several older children. Perhaps you're a newlywed, and you don't have any children yet. What if you're an woman who doesn't have children or whose children have left the nest? Each life season will call for different priorities and opportunities. For me, my children are way up there on my priority list. I have to be careful to give their needs the proper time and attention. But maybe another woman has more room for ministry to those outside of her family. You get the idea--size up your own personal family needs.

Write it down and use it!

Once you've sought the Lord's wisdom, your husband's input, and assessed your life season, you're ready to get this thing down on paper! I think it's worth saying that continuing to seek the Lord throughout this process is important.

Why write it down? I suppose you could just keep these thoughts in your mind, but will they be as effective as a hard copy that you can pull out, look at and use for evaluation? In fact, mine was mostly in my head until I started thinking about this post. I feel confident that having it written down will help me be more mindful of what my priorities truly are. I'm planning to pull mine out during my weekly planning sessions to act as a reminder and evaluation tool.

There you have it--my suggestions for writing a job description for yourself. Tomorrow I'll post what I came up with as my own job description. It's pretty basic, but I think it will really help to keep me on track.

What about you? Do you have a job description? What kind of things do you or would you include in your own job description?

Series Introduction: Homemaking--It's a Real Job!

Image by ktylerconk

Homemaker. SAHM. Home manager. Housewife.

Would you use one of those words to describe yourself? If so, I hope this coming series will be particularly encouraging to you. For the next several Mondays, I'll be writing a series called Homemaking: It's a Real Job! Being a homemaker is indeed a real job, and as homemakers there are a couple of things I think we need to keep in mind.

1. Good home management and/or homemaking takes concentrated effort, skill and dedication.
Like any worker, we can be sloppy and mediocre whose efforts (or lack thereof!) yield little to no results. Ask me how I know. Or, we can truly apply our energies and mental capacities to a role that can give amazing and beautiful results. It's a choice we make--it doesn't happen by accident. You're not born a good home manager any more than you're born a good architect, mechanic, or zoologist.

2. Being a homemaker is an incredibly valuable "profession".
When we decide to take our roles as homemakers seriously; when we apply true energy and effort to this role, the value of what we're doing cannot be understated. However, think of a profession that has traditionally been thought of as a noble and valuable one--that of a doctor. We wouldn't think he was still doing something valuable or noble if he was untrained, sloppy, had a terrible bedside manner, and whose disorganization created mix-ups resulting in tragic consequences. In fact, we probably wouldn't even call him a real doctor!

Home management and homemaking are only valuable and noble if you're really home managing and home making. If you're doing what I was doing, well. . .maybe you're not really a homemaker. Wow. Harsh words? Maybe a little, but I know I wasn't one--and I sure needed a kick in the pants!

My desire for this series is two-fold. Mostly, I hope it encourages you! I want you to hold your head high and never hesitate to answer the question, "So, what do you do?" Even if the rest of the world never recognizes the incredible value of real homemakers, I want you to be utterly convinced of your value in that role.

Secondly, I hope it does challenge you, if that's what you need. Girl, I so needed somebody to challenge me! Ultimately, the Lord was the one who gave me the wake up call I needed. And, boy howdy, did I need one! Please remember that these words aren't written by someone who's got this thing all together. The thought makes me want to roar with laughter. Nope. I'm still very much on the journey.

So, please--I'd be so honored if you'd join me as we explore this thing together. Meet me here each Monday for Homemaking: It's a Real Job!